I was looking at my online calendar today and I realized that in exactly five days I will have been unemployed for one entire year. Talk about the anniversary that no one wants to celebrate! I can't think of a faster way to take a relatively decent day and drive it into the ground. As I made that realization all of the cheerfulness of an enjoyable weekend ran out and depression set in.
I'm really good at what I do. I know that it isn't generally socially acceptable to toot your own horn, but I really am one of the best administrative assistants out there. I'm organized, reliable, and can juggle multiple crises at the same time and generally get positive results from all of them.
So why can't I find a job?
Am I asking too much money? I guess it is silly to expect that someone with over 20 years of administrative experience, including six as the assistant to the CEO of a company actually get paid more than $9 per hour. Yeah, I actually saw a job listing where they wanted an Office Manager and listed some pretty high level job skills...and offered $9 per hour. That is not acceptable. Out of my paltry six interviews in the space of twelve months I actually got one tentative offer for a position where they offered $12 per hour for an Office Manager job that was intended to run the office AND be the person in charge when the company's owner went out of town, which he said he did frequently. I countered with $14, which is a LOT lower than what I was making, but if there were bonuses (which there supposedly were) and raises, I could start a little low for now.
He said no. For all of the things he wanted someone to do, he couldn't bring himself to pay $14 per hour. He didn't come back and offer again. Apparently he found someone who would do the job for that little. I presume that he got what he paid for.
Am I just out of touch with what employers want? By replying to their questions with the information that I prefer a job where I am told what they want and then left to accomplish that goal, am I shooting myself in the foot? Have companies actually reached the point they've apparently been striving for? Big Industry Lobbyists have managed to coerce our so-called representatives into passing laws that have turned education in our country into a laughingstock, turning out drones who know how to mark little boxes but can't think their way out of those self-same boxes. Is that all that companies want these days? People who have to be given each instruction one at a time, no independent thinking or problem solving allowed? No wonder we're falling further and further behind the rest of the world in almost every area.
I'm tired. I'm depressed. I feel useless. I started a company and in my optimistic moments I still hope that this will be my way out of the corporate grind, but then moments like this hit and I see a stupid dream that will only serve to pull money out of our household budget even faster than if I hadn't started it. Jars of jam sitting on shelves may look pretty, but they don't pay the bills.
No decisions right now. I'm definitely not in the mindset to make any kind of decision. I just...feel weighed down. Like there's no way to make things come out right in the end. I've been crying off and on for about two hours now. Not sure how much longer it will continue. It will pass, I hope, but right now...right now it isn't good.
I feel useless.
Happy anniversary, unemployment. Happy anniversary.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Resolved: To have the best year yet
We all know the routine, right? On New Year's Eve we go out with friends, have a party, make drunken resolutions at the top of our lungs that we know (and everyone around us knows) aren't going to be kept longer than a week or two at most. Then we move on into the year and continue with our lives as usual.
So this year I decided to make one resolution, and to set goals and expectations for myself that will help me achieve that resolution. My resolution? To make this the best year I've had yet in my life. This won't be easy to do, mind you, because I've had some pretty darned good years! But this will be the best one yet, because I'm the only person who can do what needs to be done to make this come true.
I have goals and expectations for myself that will move this resolution forward.
And when you are choosing those goals, don't listen to what the media or outside sources say you should do. Take a few moments as the old year ends and the new one begins, sit quietly, and really LISTEN to the voice deep in your soul. Not The Little Voice (TLV) that I've talked about before, not the voice that tells you everything that is wrong with you, but rather your Heart Voice. Let it speak to you and tell you what will truly fill a place in your heart, mind, and soul, and then take the time to plan out how to achieve that goal. Even if it seems unattainable, or impossible, let yourself believe in it. We can achieve amazing things when we let ourselves believe.
If you believe, and strive, and work on your goal moment by moment then by this time next year I hope that you join me in saying, "2013 was the BEST year yet! Now to make 2014 even BETTER!"
Happy New Year, everyone! Now go and believe!!!!
So this year I decided to make one resolution, and to set goals and expectations for myself that will help me achieve that resolution. My resolution? To make this the best year I've had yet in my life. This won't be easy to do, mind you, because I've had some pretty darned good years! But this will be the best one yet, because I'm the only person who can do what needs to be done to make this come true.
I have goals and expectations for myself that will move this resolution forward.
- I'm going to move more. I'm not happy with how I feel when I move right now, so this will have to change. The only way to change it is by moving more.
- I'm going to continue eating more whole foods and having fewer processed foods in the house. The husbeast and I have made great strides in this already, but there is always room for improvement.
- I am going to work on goals that have been put off in recent years. This is going to be my year to wrap up loose ends. We all have those chains dragging behind us in a very Marley-esque fashion, the things that we started and never finished or intended to do and never did. Well, this is my year to address those things. Some of them are private, and few people other than myself will ever know that I dealt with them. Some are more public, and everyone will know when they happen. But happen they will and they will happen this year.
And when you are choosing those goals, don't listen to what the media or outside sources say you should do. Take a few moments as the old year ends and the new one begins, sit quietly, and really LISTEN to the voice deep in your soul. Not The Little Voice (TLV) that I've talked about before, not the voice that tells you everything that is wrong with you, but rather your Heart Voice. Let it speak to you and tell you what will truly fill a place in your heart, mind, and soul, and then take the time to plan out how to achieve that goal. Even if it seems unattainable, or impossible, let yourself believe in it. We can achieve amazing things when we let ourselves believe.
If you believe, and strive, and work on your goal moment by moment then by this time next year I hope that you join me in saying, "2013 was the BEST year yet! Now to make 2014 even BETTER!"
Happy New Year, everyone! Now go and believe!!!!
2013: Goals and Expectations
It is the beginning of a new Gregorian calendar year, and it is traditional to name your resolutions at this time of year. Of course, it is also traditional to break those resolutions before the month is out. So I'm not going to make any resolutions this year. I am, however, putting some goals and expectations for myself out there in the belief that this will give me a measure of self-accountability.
So, in 2013 I have the following goals and expectations:
So, in 2013 I have the following goals and expectations:
- I will move more. I am not happy with how I feel when I move right now and the only way to fix that is to start moving more. I have friends who get together to exercise and someday wouldn't mind being able to join them, but I think they're full up with people at the moment, so I will start on my own and should an opportunity arise to join them, I will be more able to do so than I am right now. I am not going to be more specific than this regarding how much I move, because if I am and I miss that EXACT goal one week / day / whatever, then I will give it all up. So for now, movement itself is the goal.
- Our meals will continue to become healthier. We have made great strides in this, and I am going to move further down that path. Whole foods, fewer quickly digested carbohydrates, more complex carbs, and a focus on making our meat portions smaller while getting additional proteins from other sources.
- I will focus more on my business. I have been splitting my focus and letting myself get distracted but if I truly want to be successful then I have to turn my gaze and energies fully on what it takes to achieve that success. I would like to pay myself my first official paycheck before the end of the year. It doesn't have to be much, but I want to reach that level of achievement.
- In 2012 I started The Great Reorganization so that we could purge the house of all of the extra "stuff" that was cluttering our lives, and so that we could make room for children in our lives. We have let that sit on the back burner for too long. 2013 will be the year of Moving Forward. We will move forward with the rest of the purge, and we will move forward with adoption plans. I have allowed myself to be too comfortable with where we are, rather than pushing toward where we want to be, and that will end. It is time to continue into the next part of our lives.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Anti-Holiday Husbeast
It is hard to be a holiday person when married to an anti-holiday person. Don't get me wrong, The Husbeast LIKES holidays, he just doesn't want to do anything to make holidays special.
If I ask him to bake holiday cookies, I get a "maybe" in the tone of voice that means "I'll never actually get to it, I'm just humouring you."
If I mention that I would like to run presents around to some of our friends, I get a "I suppose." in that same tone of voice which means I'll either end up doing it by myself (which just isn't as fun) or it won't get done at all.
I have to nag for the tree to come down from the attic, and if I want decorations on it, well, that means I'd better plan on doing it myself.
As for lights on the outside of our house? Yeaaaahhhh...never going to happen.
It really does make me sad because when I was growing up the holidays were a pretty festive time of year. Mom would have Dad get out the decorations and we would all spend a weekend putting them up. Garland would go around the banisters on the stairs, we would spray the fake snow stuff on the picture window in the living room, those fake plug-in candles would go on every window sill, and we would decorate the tree.
Decorating the tree was almost a ritual, really. We would finish dinner, we would help Dad untangle and test the lights, and then the ornaments would come out. Mom would sit on the couch and lovingly unwrap each one from its tissue paper, and alternate handing them to my brother and myself. We would tell stories about each one, remembering how it had come to be in our collection. Some we had made, some were bought to commemorate important events in our lives, and some just were always there. The final step was always the icicles, those strips of silver tinsel that are like the decorative icing on a cake. Mom and Dad would always make us put it on a few strands at a time, and whenever they weren't looking, my brother and I would just randomly throw handfuls at the tree to see where it landed.
I've always loved just sitting in the living room with the lights off, watching the tree lights twinkle and shine, catching the ornaments and reflecting the colors around the room. For some reason those times have always been among the most peaceful of my life. It is like everything stops for those precious minutes, the world calms down and just breathes, and I know that everything will be all right.
I think that's part of why it is so frustrating to be married to an Anti-Holiday Husbeast, because even the years when the tree somehow makes it up, that's all there is. No other decorations, no sense of peace or comfort, no feeling of home. And it makes me sad.
Overall I'm pretty lucky. He's a good man, and he loves me, and I love him. I know that this isn't a major roadblock in our lives. It is just a small difference.
I have to admit, though, I wish that it were different. I wish that he enjoyed it all as much as I do, and that we could share that joy and that brief feeling of peace together instead of him feeling nagged and me feeling pushy and ignored.
But we don't, so all that I can do is create as much of the holiday as I can on my own and settle for that.
I think I'm going to go into the living room now. The tree is up and has lights, but the ornaments are still in the attic. They probably won't come out this year. But I have a tree...and lights...and for a little while I can turn out the living room lights and just watch the tree-lights twinkle in the darkness, and hopefully feel a little peace.
If I ask him to bake holiday cookies, I get a "maybe" in the tone of voice that means "I'll never actually get to it, I'm just humouring you."
If I mention that I would like to run presents around to some of our friends, I get a "I suppose." in that same tone of voice which means I'll either end up doing it by myself (which just isn't as fun) or it won't get done at all.
I have to nag for the tree to come down from the attic, and if I want decorations on it, well, that means I'd better plan on doing it myself.
As for lights on the outside of our house? Yeaaaahhhh...never going to happen.
It really does make me sad because when I was growing up the holidays were a pretty festive time of year. Mom would have Dad get out the decorations and we would all spend a weekend putting them up. Garland would go around the banisters on the stairs, we would spray the fake snow stuff on the picture window in the living room, those fake plug-in candles would go on every window sill, and we would decorate the tree.
Decorating the tree was almost a ritual, really. We would finish dinner, we would help Dad untangle and test the lights, and then the ornaments would come out. Mom would sit on the couch and lovingly unwrap each one from its tissue paper, and alternate handing them to my brother and myself. We would tell stories about each one, remembering how it had come to be in our collection. Some we had made, some were bought to commemorate important events in our lives, and some just were always there. The final step was always the icicles, those strips of silver tinsel that are like the decorative icing on a cake. Mom and Dad would always make us put it on a few strands at a time, and whenever they weren't looking, my brother and I would just randomly throw handfuls at the tree to see where it landed.
I've always loved just sitting in the living room with the lights off, watching the tree lights twinkle and shine, catching the ornaments and reflecting the colors around the room. For some reason those times have always been among the most peaceful of my life. It is like everything stops for those precious minutes, the world calms down and just breathes, and I know that everything will be all right.
I think that's part of why it is so frustrating to be married to an Anti-Holiday Husbeast, because even the years when the tree somehow makes it up, that's all there is. No other decorations, no sense of peace or comfort, no feeling of home. And it makes me sad.
Overall I'm pretty lucky. He's a good man, and he loves me, and I love him. I know that this isn't a major roadblock in our lives. It is just a small difference.
I have to admit, though, I wish that it were different. I wish that he enjoyed it all as much as I do, and that we could share that joy and that brief feeling of peace together instead of him feeling nagged and me feeling pushy and ignored.
But we don't, so all that I can do is create as much of the holiday as I can on my own and settle for that.
I think I'm going to go into the living room now. The tree is up and has lights, but the ornaments are still in the attic. They probably won't come out this year. But I have a tree...and lights...and for a little while I can turn out the living room lights and just watch the tree-lights twinkle in the darkness, and hopefully feel a little peace.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Taking a day off when you're unemployed
Being long-term unemployed is an insidious thing, really. It wears away at you in a number of ways. You start to lose self-worth because your emotional response to the situation is that you aren't contributing to the household and are just a drain on resources. It isn't true, of course, at least for most people. Most people spend the time getting things done around the house in between sending out resumes and (hopefully) going on interviews. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, all of the things that would normally be crammed into the two days of the weekend are now able to be spread out and completed more thoroughly and without feeling rushed or like you never get to relax.
The irony is, though, that it is very easy to refuse to allow yourself a day off when you're unemployed. The mind starts twisting it, saying that you're home all week so you have no right to just relax on a Saturday or Sunday, that you should treat them like every other day and Do All The Things! Even when you let yourself have a lazy day with your spouse or even just on your own, guilt tends to make itself known, ruining any enjoyment that you may get out of giving yourself time to unwind.
I have been fighting that battle recently. In October I didn't have weekends because we were working the haunted house, and even though we were home on Sunday, we weren't awake til afternoon due to not getting home until 4 or 5 in the morning. We got up, had food, and collapsed for a few hours before going back to bed and starting the week over. Those few hours were a haze, really, but even that haze was filled with "I shoulds". I should be doing laundry. I should unpack the car. I should pull the dirty clothes out of my duffelbag. I should, I should, I should.
October ended, and we regained our weekends, but did we? Not really. The first weekend after haunt ended was spent quite enjoyably (yet exhaustingly) at a convention as panelists. It was a wonderful experience, we met awesome people and got to know some other awesome people better than we'd been able to before. But it wasn't relaxing by any means.
Then, the weekends after that were spent in a whirlwind, desperately trying to get the house ready for Thanksgiving. We have an open house that day, and anyone that we know who doesn't have other plans for the day is welcome to come and bring a dish to pass and share time with other holiday orphans. Of course this requires that the house be up to standards for having people over. As my standards differ greatly from my husband's standards in regards to 'clean enough', there is usually some added stress there as well. But in the end the house was mostly ready, the people came, the food was eaten, and I hope that a good time was had by all.
Still no relaxing.
Today the husband had plans to be out of the house the whole day, and I decided that finally I was going to allow myself to have a day of relaxation and NOT allow myself to spend it seeing all of the things that I should be doing and feeling guilty that I wasn't doing them. Even the unemployed need a day off now and then, and I had reached the end of my endurance.
So I did it.
I have spent my day so far watching movies, scritching purring kitty cats, and knitting. Once I finish this entry, I will then go online and play some Facebook games and then sign on to Star Wars: The Old Republic (tm) and spend a few hours either saving or conquering the galaxy (depending on my mood). And it feels good. There have been a few times when I have started to think to myself that I should be doing something, and I have made myself stop, put that thought aside, and just let it go. Tomorrow there will be should be's. Today there is only yarn winding through my fingers, soft fur against my cheek, and the hum of my lightsaber. And it is good.
The irony is, though, that it is very easy to refuse to allow yourself a day off when you're unemployed. The mind starts twisting it, saying that you're home all week so you have no right to just relax on a Saturday or Sunday, that you should treat them like every other day and Do All The Things! Even when you let yourself have a lazy day with your spouse or even just on your own, guilt tends to make itself known, ruining any enjoyment that you may get out of giving yourself time to unwind.
I have been fighting that battle recently. In October I didn't have weekends because we were working the haunted house, and even though we were home on Sunday, we weren't awake til afternoon due to not getting home until 4 or 5 in the morning. We got up, had food, and collapsed for a few hours before going back to bed and starting the week over. Those few hours were a haze, really, but even that haze was filled with "I shoulds". I should be doing laundry. I should unpack the car. I should pull the dirty clothes out of my duffelbag. I should, I should, I should.
October ended, and we regained our weekends, but did we? Not really. The first weekend after haunt ended was spent quite enjoyably (yet exhaustingly) at a convention as panelists. It was a wonderful experience, we met awesome people and got to know some other awesome people better than we'd been able to before. But it wasn't relaxing by any means.
Then, the weekends after that were spent in a whirlwind, desperately trying to get the house ready for Thanksgiving. We have an open house that day, and anyone that we know who doesn't have other plans for the day is welcome to come and bring a dish to pass and share time with other holiday orphans. Of course this requires that the house be up to standards for having people over. As my standards differ greatly from my husband's standards in regards to 'clean enough', there is usually some added stress there as well. But in the end the house was mostly ready, the people came, the food was eaten, and I hope that a good time was had by all.
Still no relaxing.
Today the husband had plans to be out of the house the whole day, and I decided that finally I was going to allow myself to have a day of relaxation and NOT allow myself to spend it seeing all of the things that I should be doing and feeling guilty that I wasn't doing them. Even the unemployed need a day off now and then, and I had reached the end of my endurance.
So I did it.
I have spent my day so far watching movies, scritching purring kitty cats, and knitting. Once I finish this entry, I will then go online and play some Facebook games and then sign on to Star Wars: The Old Republic (tm) and spend a few hours either saving or conquering the galaxy (depending on my mood). And it feels good. There have been a few times when I have started to think to myself that I should be doing something, and I have made myself stop, put that thought aside, and just let it go. Tomorrow there will be should be's. Today there is only yarn winding through my fingers, soft fur against my cheek, and the hum of my lightsaber. And it is good.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Thankfulness
A lot of my friends are doing "Daily Thanks" posts on Facebook and other social media during November. I was asked why I wasn't doing the same thing, and here's my reply:
You see, I try really hard to be thankful for what I have every day, not just during a certain month of the year. It isn't always easy, and I don't always succeed, but it is part of my journey toward growing into a better person. I'm not saying a person who is better than anyone else, but a better version of myself. I look back at previous versions of myself and am not particularly happy with what I see. I haven't been a good person at certain times in my life.
Sure, I had justification for my actions at the time. At least I thought that I did. The reality is, though, that no matter what the world may do to us, there is nothing controlling how we react to it but ourselves. For part of my life I wasn't old enough to understand that hurt and pain are just part of living, and that the people who hurt my feelings may not have done so intentionally. Even the ones who DID do it intentionally weren't really doing it out of dislike of me, but rather out of dislike for things in their own lives that they somehow saw reflected in me.
It is human nature to amplify our own faults when we see them in others. We hate them in ourselves, but we can't admit that to ourselves so we point to others who have the same faults and use that as reason to dislike the person.
I've hated a lot about myself in the past. I hated people who "disrespected" me, because I couldn't respect myself. I hated people who were obsessed with their looks because I was obsessed with my own and my weight. I looked down on people who were willfully ignorant because I went out of my way to sabotage my own education. I've been envious of people who had the things that I thought I wanted, and I have turned my nose up at people who were lazy because I couldn't find the motivation in myself to achieve my own goals.
There has been a lot of hard work, tears, and self-examination that have gone into making myself see what I was, and what I could be. Sometimes it is hard knowing that I will never fully achieve the best me that could possibly exist, because there will always be something else that I need to do, some other lesson that I need to learn. When I start to get discouraged by that fact, though, I make myself stop and realize that the never ending learning process is part of being human, and that when we stop growing and stop trying to become more than what we are, we have reached the end of life and are only existing instead of living.
In order to live we have to find joy. In order to find joy we have to find thanks. In order to find thanks, we have to acknowledge all of the beauty and good in our lives. The way that I find it is by lying in bed for a few minutes after my alarm goes off in the morning and finding something to be thankful for. It doesn't have to be big, and it doesn't have to be said aloud, it just has to mean something to me. There have been mornings when I have been thankful for the purring of whichever cat is curled next to me. There have been mornings when I have been thankful that there will be eggs in the fridge when I get up so that I can have breakfast. There have been mornings when I have been thankful that the sun is shining, the rain is falling, or the earth is still turning. Sometimes they are big things, and sometimes they are little, but they are all things that make my life a little happier for at least a moment.
If you really want to appreciate your life and the world that you live in, set aside a time every day to be thankful, genuinely and truly thankful, for something in your life. Whether you put that moment at the start of your day, the end of your day, or sometime in the middle, make it an important part of your routine. There will be days when life is throwing negative after negative at you, and your emotions will want to say that there is nothing to be thankful for right now, but stop and find something. Anything. It doesn't matter what it is, just find it. I think that you'll discover a whole new way of looking at the world after a while.
I know that I did, and it helped me start the changes that I continue to strive to make. And if you're doing the November Thankfulness exercises / meme, consider continuing it after December 1st. You don't have to do it aloud or in a public way, this is something just for you.
I hope that you try, and that this little thing gives you joy. :)
You see, I try really hard to be thankful for what I have every day, not just during a certain month of the year. It isn't always easy, and I don't always succeed, but it is part of my journey toward growing into a better person. I'm not saying a person who is better than anyone else, but a better version of myself. I look back at previous versions of myself and am not particularly happy with what I see. I haven't been a good person at certain times in my life.
Sure, I had justification for my actions at the time. At least I thought that I did. The reality is, though, that no matter what the world may do to us, there is nothing controlling how we react to it but ourselves. For part of my life I wasn't old enough to understand that hurt and pain are just part of living, and that the people who hurt my feelings may not have done so intentionally. Even the ones who DID do it intentionally weren't really doing it out of dislike of me, but rather out of dislike for things in their own lives that they somehow saw reflected in me.
It is human nature to amplify our own faults when we see them in others. We hate them in ourselves, but we can't admit that to ourselves so we point to others who have the same faults and use that as reason to dislike the person.
I've hated a lot about myself in the past. I hated people who "disrespected" me, because I couldn't respect myself. I hated people who were obsessed with their looks because I was obsessed with my own and my weight. I looked down on people who were willfully ignorant because I went out of my way to sabotage my own education. I've been envious of people who had the things that I thought I wanted, and I have turned my nose up at people who were lazy because I couldn't find the motivation in myself to achieve my own goals.
There has been a lot of hard work, tears, and self-examination that have gone into making myself see what I was, and what I could be. Sometimes it is hard knowing that I will never fully achieve the best me that could possibly exist, because there will always be something else that I need to do, some other lesson that I need to learn. When I start to get discouraged by that fact, though, I make myself stop and realize that the never ending learning process is part of being human, and that when we stop growing and stop trying to become more than what we are, we have reached the end of life and are only existing instead of living.
In order to live we have to find joy. In order to find joy we have to find thanks. In order to find thanks, we have to acknowledge all of the beauty and good in our lives. The way that I find it is by lying in bed for a few minutes after my alarm goes off in the morning and finding something to be thankful for. It doesn't have to be big, and it doesn't have to be said aloud, it just has to mean something to me. There have been mornings when I have been thankful for the purring of whichever cat is curled next to me. There have been mornings when I have been thankful that there will be eggs in the fridge when I get up so that I can have breakfast. There have been mornings when I have been thankful that the sun is shining, the rain is falling, or the earth is still turning. Sometimes they are big things, and sometimes they are little, but they are all things that make my life a little happier for at least a moment.
If you really want to appreciate your life and the world that you live in, set aside a time every day to be thankful, genuinely and truly thankful, for something in your life. Whether you put that moment at the start of your day, the end of your day, or sometime in the middle, make it an important part of your routine. There will be days when life is throwing negative after negative at you, and your emotions will want to say that there is nothing to be thankful for right now, but stop and find something. Anything. It doesn't matter what it is, just find it. I think that you'll discover a whole new way of looking at the world after a while.
I know that I did, and it helped me start the changes that I continue to strive to make. And if you're doing the November Thankfulness exercises / meme, consider continuing it after December 1st. You don't have to do it aloud or in a public way, this is something just for you.
I hope that you try, and that this little thing gives you joy. :)
Holidays and Guilt
We are officially into the holiday season now, and it is time for all of the weight loss companies to start throwing preliminary guilt at everyone in order to prime their potential customers for the Weight Loss Resolution Season.
What is it about the human psyche that will not allow us to just enjoy a holiday without throwing guilt and self-castigation around like confetti? Why do we seem to think that we don't deserve a little fun without beating ourselves up for it? I think that we should all take a serious look at how we approach the holidays and make a stand for a more realistic view of things.
The fact of the matter is that very few people gain a lot of weight over the holiday season. A clinical study published in Nutrition Review in 2000 showed that the average adult gains 0.8 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. Yup...less than one pound. And yet how many people will spend the entire season talking about their weight, thinking about their weight, and denying themselves because of their fear of their weight? The experts have repeatedly stated that it isn't what you eat on Thanksgiving or Christmas (or even most of the month of December for that matter) that causes issues, it is what is eaten every day throughout the year.
If we tie this in with the basics of intuitive eating, then freaking out about holiday treats is even more ridiculous. When we eat intuitively, and we learn to listen to our bodies, we find that while we enjoy that slice of holiday cheesecake, or that turkey dinner with gravy and mashed potatoes, we also hear when our bodies say "please stop now" and we do so. If we really LISTEN to ourselves, we aren't going to overindulge throughout the entire season, because we'll know when our body says, "All of these treats taste great, but I would really love some vegetables right now." We can indulge without going crazy.
What tends to happen most of the time, though, is that people stop listening to their bodies, and they deny themselves even the smallest of treats. Then, when they are in a setting which allows for them to have things they may not normally eat, they go overboard and eat until they make themselves sick. Then they use that to justify even stricter denial, which leads to another binge in the future. This isn't healthy behavior, and if we stopped and got off the denial / binge cycle, we would see how it begins to rule our lives.
So take a moment right now, Dear Readers, and have a chat with yourselves. Figure out your comfort levels when it comes to holiday treats and listening to your body. If you've not practiced intuitive eating for a while then maybe you want to be a little more aware of how the food that you eat tastes and makes you feel. Listen to when your body says to stop eating something or when it asks you for another kind of food. If you have been following an intuitive eating pattern, then keep a sharper ear out than normal because there will be things available to you that aren't around the rest of the year and nostalgia or scarcity may override your body's inner voice. No worries if it happens, don't beat yourself up over it, just adjust your inner volume up a bit so that you're more aware in the future.
We only get candy canes, gingerbread men, baked ham with pineapple rings and cherries, sweet potato casserole, and other holiday offerings for a short time each year. They are foods made with love and with the intention of sharing. Let yourself enjoy them. Let yourself really taste them. And when your body says enough, let yourself stop. When your body says that it is time to do a little movement to work off the sluggishness, then move...and ENJOY it.
Lets enjoy our holidays this year, because as with all good things, they will never be exactly like this again. Love your family and friends, and just as importantly, love yourselves.
Blessed Yule, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays...whatever you prefer. Thank you for sharing my journey with me, even if it has fits and stops now and then. I appreciate that you read my maunderings and the feedback that I've gotten over the past year.
Now go and ENJOY!!!! :)
What is it about the human psyche that will not allow us to just enjoy a holiday without throwing guilt and self-castigation around like confetti? Why do we seem to think that we don't deserve a little fun without beating ourselves up for it? I think that we should all take a serious look at how we approach the holidays and make a stand for a more realistic view of things.
The fact of the matter is that very few people gain a lot of weight over the holiday season. A clinical study published in Nutrition Review in 2000 showed that the average adult gains 0.8 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. Yup...less than one pound. And yet how many people will spend the entire season talking about their weight, thinking about their weight, and denying themselves because of their fear of their weight? The experts have repeatedly stated that it isn't what you eat on Thanksgiving or Christmas (or even most of the month of December for that matter) that causes issues, it is what is eaten every day throughout the year.
If we tie this in with the basics of intuitive eating, then freaking out about holiday treats is even more ridiculous. When we eat intuitively, and we learn to listen to our bodies, we find that while we enjoy that slice of holiday cheesecake, or that turkey dinner with gravy and mashed potatoes, we also hear when our bodies say "please stop now" and we do so. If we really LISTEN to ourselves, we aren't going to overindulge throughout the entire season, because we'll know when our body says, "All of these treats taste great, but I would really love some vegetables right now." We can indulge without going crazy.
What tends to happen most of the time, though, is that people stop listening to their bodies, and they deny themselves even the smallest of treats. Then, when they are in a setting which allows for them to have things they may not normally eat, they go overboard and eat until they make themselves sick. Then they use that to justify even stricter denial, which leads to another binge in the future. This isn't healthy behavior, and if we stopped and got off the denial / binge cycle, we would see how it begins to rule our lives.
So take a moment right now, Dear Readers, and have a chat with yourselves. Figure out your comfort levels when it comes to holiday treats and listening to your body. If you've not practiced intuitive eating for a while then maybe you want to be a little more aware of how the food that you eat tastes and makes you feel. Listen to when your body says to stop eating something or when it asks you for another kind of food. If you have been following an intuitive eating pattern, then keep a sharper ear out than normal because there will be things available to you that aren't around the rest of the year and nostalgia or scarcity may override your body's inner voice. No worries if it happens, don't beat yourself up over it, just adjust your inner volume up a bit so that you're more aware in the future.
We only get candy canes, gingerbread men, baked ham with pineapple rings and cherries, sweet potato casserole, and other holiday offerings for a short time each year. They are foods made with love and with the intention of sharing. Let yourself enjoy them. Let yourself really taste them. And when your body says enough, let yourself stop. When your body says that it is time to do a little movement to work off the sluggishness, then move...and ENJOY it.
Lets enjoy our holidays this year, because as with all good things, they will never be exactly like this again. Love your family and friends, and just as importantly, love yourselves.
Blessed Yule, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays...whatever you prefer. Thank you for sharing my journey with me, even if it has fits and stops now and then. I appreciate that you read my maunderings and the feedback that I've gotten over the past year.
Now go and ENJOY!!!! :)
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