There are days when I am full of energy and ready to take on the world. I love those days, because I can face any problem, solve any issue, and just take apart any opponent without breaking a sweat.
And then there are days like today. Days when I read about something like what happened to Ms. Ida Davidson. You see, Ms. Davidson had started seeing a new primary care physician, and on the second visit Dr. Helen M. Carter of Worcester, Massachusetts told Ms. Davidson that at 200 pounds she is too fat to be a patient of Dr. Carter's and that she needs to look elsewhere for basic medical care.
As if this weren't heartbreaking enough, I made the mistake of reading the comments on the news story. I know, I know, I should know better but I can't help hoping that THIS time will be the time when the public steps forward and acts like decent human beings. It was foolish of me to hope, because what I got was another wave of Fat Shaming.
I am so tired of it all. I truly am. It exhausts me mentally, emotionally, and physically to constantly have to battle for my right to exist as a human being without being subjected to a constant barrage of messages about how I am worth less because I weigh more. It is like a never-ending storm of hatred and shame, battering at myself and others who are fat, and like those storms it can wear defenses down over time.
I don't understand why people feel the need to shame others for what they look like. Since when has teaching someone to hate themselves ever helped them achieve great things? Since when did shaming someone push them to aspire to wonderful heights? Grinding someone's self-worth to dust does NOT lead to glorious triumphs. All that this kind of shaming and hatred does is break people into pieces that may never get put back together again.
Is that truly what we, as humans, want to do to our fellow citizens of the world? Do we HONESTLY want to make as many as possible feel like they are worth nothing? What kind of sick pleasure can someone get from treating people that way? I don't understand it, and I hope that I never do because I don't EVER want to treat my fellow human beings like that, much less enjoy it.
I will continue to fight against Fat Hate and Body Shaming. I will continue to work toward a day when it is what we do that defines us rather than how we look. I will keep trying to teach people that everyone's life is their own business, everyone's health is their own business, and that no one has the right to tell others what to eat or how to look or even how healthy they should be. As my friend Ragen says, "Everyone is the boss of their own underpants." No one is the boss of anyone else's underpants.
I will continue to work toward the day when I can walk down the street without someone thinking that it is their right to comment on my body.
But that won't be today. Today I am tired, so I am going to curl quietly up and cry for a while and wonder what Ida Davidson and I have done to make so many people hate us.
Today I cry. Tomorrow I fight. Someday I won't have to fight any more.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
All I needed to know, I learned from sports movies
I have a weakness for a good sports movie. I really do. There's just something about movies that have an underdog (person or team) striving to achieve goals when the rest of the world thinks that they'll fail. I love watching the turnaround, when people start to realize that the underdog is really them, the underdog represents us all as we fight against odds that, at times, seem stacked against us every step of the way. And really, everything you need to know in life you can learn from a few good (and not so good but still enjoyable) sports movies.
Bull Durham: We gotta play 'em one day at a time.
Isn't that the way of it? We can make plans, and have dreams, but in order to achieve those goals we have to take them one day at a time. Heck, there are times when we're taking it one minute or one second at a time! But if we keep pushing forward, if we keep working on overcoming the challenges in front of us and doing so bit by bit, then eventually we find ourselves further along the road than we ever thought we would go. One day at a time, one moment at a time, that's how to get things done.
The beauty of this quote is that it has a second meaning, at least to me. We have to take each day, each moment, and really BE in them. Spending your whole life looking toward the horizon means that you miss the beauty and life that surrounds you at any given time. It is good to look ahead, but life isn't just about the destination, it is about the journey. The journey is what makes us into who we are. The experiences that we have form our selves, our hearts, our minds, our lives. If we spend the entirety of our existence focused on where we want to be, we miss the actual experience of living and all that we end up with is regret.
Like any traveler, we need to keep one eye on the road ahead, and one eye on where we are. Then we get the best of everything because we have the hopes and dreams of the future, and the fullness of the now.
The Replacements: Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.
I know that this has almost become a cliche, but as always that happens for a reason. There is so much to this quote that it just amazes me sometimes.
Pain heals. When you're in the midst of it, you forget that sometimes, or you think that it isn't possible in THIS case, but it is possible and it will happen. Pain heals, we move on, and while there will always be grief and loss in the world, there will also always be life and love. As human beings we experience pain, whether it is physical or emotional, or both. As human beings, how we use that pain defines who we are. We can choose to wallow in it, choose to forget that there is still laughter in the world. That is a possibility that sometimes seems easier than moving forward. But it is when we embrace the pain, let it move through us and past us, that we grow and become stronger for it. As hard as it is when we're in the midst of things, we have to remember that pain heals.
Chicks dig scars. People have an empathy for others who have gone through pain. We all have it in our lives in some form or another, and we all admire those who have overcome and gone on to achieve great things. Nelson Mandela, Oscar Pistorius, Chen Guangcheng, people such as these surmount incredible obstacles to accomplish wonderful things, and they give us hope that we can face the obstacles in our own lives with such grace and wisdom, with such determination. It doesn't matter that our obstacles are not as extreme to outside observers, because every challenge is important to the one facing it. What matters is that there are examples like this in the world who reinforce for us that anything is possible if we believe in ourselves and others. Those scars will still be there, but they will stand for something, and those around us who observe them and understand where they come from will honor where they have come from and what we have done despite them.
Glory lasts forever. Someday we will all be gone. Nothing will remain of us. The words on the screen will have disappeared into Internet Heaven, paper journals and letters will have decayed and gone to dust, just as our bodies do. The people who knew us will also be gone, and eventually only a bare handful of the people alive right now will be remembered by name or face. The rest of us will die among the faceless mass. But while some would say that this means nothing we do matters, I say that they are wrong. Glory lasts forever. The marks that we make on the world around us echo down through time, reverberating through the life threads of people who will never know where that vibration started. Every action that we take has an effect on others, every kindness, every moment of spite, it all carries through and influences actions and reactions. Buying the coffee of the guy behind you in line doesn't seem like much, but it could be the simple act of kindness that brightens an otherwise horrible day. Donating to a charity is just a moment of time on the internet or writing a check, but it could mean the world to the recipients of the services offered because of those funds. Cutting someone off in traffic could be the action that creates an anger that causes them to snap at their children when they get home. Leaving a dish of water out on 100+ degree days could mean survival for a bird or stray pet.
So many choices are made by us in the space of a day, and every choice has the potential to be a legacy. Glory lasts forever, as does infamy. We get to choose which one will be ours.
A League of Their Own: It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. It can be applied to so many situations, so many states of being. Life is hard. Love is hard. Growth is hard. If they weren't hard, they wouldn't be worth doing. The hard is what makes them great. The hard is what makes all of us great. We face it every day, we overcome it, we continue on. The hard builds us into the people we are. It teaches us to face challenges, sometimes with fear and sometimes with hesitation, but always moving forward. We look it straight in the eye and we take that next step, because we know that we can't give in to the hard, and when that step is done, and we're taking a moment before the next one, in that moment was greatness. We have tapped into the greatness that is our selves, and the greatness that is our world, and the euphoria of that moment of greatness carries us forward to face the next moment of hard.
I can't imagine a life without the hard or the great. I can't imagine a life without the scars, the pain, or the glory. I can't imagine life without the challenge of the next day, and the now. And all of these things have been summed up by the joy that is the sports movie. There is meaning there, and that meaning doesn't have to be wrapped in some existentialist, deep-thought kind of wrapper (though there's something to be said for those too!). We find our own meanings, and sometimes great meaning can come in the form of an underdog striving to achieve a goal while the crowd roars.
Bull Durham: We gotta play 'em one day at a time.
Isn't that the way of it? We can make plans, and have dreams, but in order to achieve those goals we have to take them one day at a time. Heck, there are times when we're taking it one minute or one second at a time! But if we keep pushing forward, if we keep working on overcoming the challenges in front of us and doing so bit by bit, then eventually we find ourselves further along the road than we ever thought we would go. One day at a time, one moment at a time, that's how to get things done.
The beauty of this quote is that it has a second meaning, at least to me. We have to take each day, each moment, and really BE in them. Spending your whole life looking toward the horizon means that you miss the beauty and life that surrounds you at any given time. It is good to look ahead, but life isn't just about the destination, it is about the journey. The journey is what makes us into who we are. The experiences that we have form our selves, our hearts, our minds, our lives. If we spend the entirety of our existence focused on where we want to be, we miss the actual experience of living and all that we end up with is regret.
Like any traveler, we need to keep one eye on the road ahead, and one eye on where we are. Then we get the best of everything because we have the hopes and dreams of the future, and the fullness of the now.
The Replacements: Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.
I know that this has almost become a cliche, but as always that happens for a reason. There is so much to this quote that it just amazes me sometimes.
Pain heals. When you're in the midst of it, you forget that sometimes, or you think that it isn't possible in THIS case, but it is possible and it will happen. Pain heals, we move on, and while there will always be grief and loss in the world, there will also always be life and love. As human beings we experience pain, whether it is physical or emotional, or both. As human beings, how we use that pain defines who we are. We can choose to wallow in it, choose to forget that there is still laughter in the world. That is a possibility that sometimes seems easier than moving forward. But it is when we embrace the pain, let it move through us and past us, that we grow and become stronger for it. As hard as it is when we're in the midst of things, we have to remember that pain heals.
Chicks dig scars. People have an empathy for others who have gone through pain. We all have it in our lives in some form or another, and we all admire those who have overcome and gone on to achieve great things. Nelson Mandela, Oscar Pistorius, Chen Guangcheng, people such as these surmount incredible obstacles to accomplish wonderful things, and they give us hope that we can face the obstacles in our own lives with such grace and wisdom, with such determination. It doesn't matter that our obstacles are not as extreme to outside observers, because every challenge is important to the one facing it. What matters is that there are examples like this in the world who reinforce for us that anything is possible if we believe in ourselves and others. Those scars will still be there, but they will stand for something, and those around us who observe them and understand where they come from will honor where they have come from and what we have done despite them.
Glory lasts forever. Someday we will all be gone. Nothing will remain of us. The words on the screen will have disappeared into Internet Heaven, paper journals and letters will have decayed and gone to dust, just as our bodies do. The people who knew us will also be gone, and eventually only a bare handful of the people alive right now will be remembered by name or face. The rest of us will die among the faceless mass. But while some would say that this means nothing we do matters, I say that they are wrong. Glory lasts forever. The marks that we make on the world around us echo down through time, reverberating through the life threads of people who will never know where that vibration started. Every action that we take has an effect on others, every kindness, every moment of spite, it all carries through and influences actions and reactions. Buying the coffee of the guy behind you in line doesn't seem like much, but it could be the simple act of kindness that brightens an otherwise horrible day. Donating to a charity is just a moment of time on the internet or writing a check, but it could mean the world to the recipients of the services offered because of those funds. Cutting someone off in traffic could be the action that creates an anger that causes them to snap at their children when they get home. Leaving a dish of water out on 100+ degree days could mean survival for a bird or stray pet.
So many choices are made by us in the space of a day, and every choice has the potential to be a legacy. Glory lasts forever, as does infamy. We get to choose which one will be ours.
A League of Their Own: It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. It can be applied to so many situations, so many states of being. Life is hard. Love is hard. Growth is hard. If they weren't hard, they wouldn't be worth doing. The hard is what makes them great. The hard is what makes all of us great. We face it every day, we overcome it, we continue on. The hard builds us into the people we are. It teaches us to face challenges, sometimes with fear and sometimes with hesitation, but always moving forward. We look it straight in the eye and we take that next step, because we know that we can't give in to the hard, and when that step is done, and we're taking a moment before the next one, in that moment was greatness. We have tapped into the greatness that is our selves, and the greatness that is our world, and the euphoria of that moment of greatness carries us forward to face the next moment of hard.
I can't imagine a life without the hard or the great. I can't imagine a life without the scars, the pain, or the glory. I can't imagine life without the challenge of the next day, and the now. And all of these things have been summed up by the joy that is the sports movie. There is meaning there, and that meaning doesn't have to be wrapped in some existentialist, deep-thought kind of wrapper (though there's something to be said for those too!). We find our own meanings, and sometimes great meaning can come in the form of an underdog striving to achieve a goal while the crowd roars.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Technology doesn't replace face time
I find myself getting frustrated by technology. More and more I notice that things are replacing people in our lives. Yes, it is ironic to be posting this on my blog, I get that, but right now I don't find it to be amusing. I find it to be frustrating.
When I am sitting at a table with someone, I cannot express how insulting and annoying it is to have them constantly check their cellular phone for texts, Facebook updates, e-mails or Twitters. It gives the message that my company is not nearly stimulating enough for them, that I am boring or uninteresting, and that they would rather be elsewhere. That may not be what they MEAN to tell me, but that is what their actions say.
I make a strong effort not to do that to anyone else. If I have to check my phone for some reason when spending time with someone else, I try to let them know why and I only do so if it is important (waiting to hear that a family member has arrived safely somewhere or someone who is having a medical procedure is all right), but there are very few things that are important enough to pull my attention from the person who I have chosen to spend time with.
When did we start becoming so dependent upon being "connected" that we started losing touch with the reality of being connected with the people that we care about? Electronic connections are a great tool, they allow us to make plans and to keep up on day to day happenings, but they were never meant to completely replace the personal touch. E-mail has replaced letter writing. Facebook has replaced having coffee together. Twitter has replaced a quick phone call to chat about nothing important.
I think that it is time to slow the tide a bit and to bring back the personal touch. When you're at dinner with your friends, or even sitting in the living room with your significant other while watching a DVD, just turn off your phone. Take a few minutes and write a card or letter to someone that you care about. Set up a time to just hang out with a friend without a laptop or tablet in sight. Hang onto those personal moments, because they are becoming more and more rare and they need to be cherished.
Be real, be respectful, be human. Put away the cellphone and really pay attention. You never know what you'll learn about the people that you care about. I CAN tell you that they will learn that they really mean something to you, and that is one of the best things that can ever be learned.
When I am sitting at a table with someone, I cannot express how insulting and annoying it is to have them constantly check their cellular phone for texts, Facebook updates, e-mails or Twitters. It gives the message that my company is not nearly stimulating enough for them, that I am boring or uninteresting, and that they would rather be elsewhere. That may not be what they MEAN to tell me, but that is what their actions say.
I make a strong effort not to do that to anyone else. If I have to check my phone for some reason when spending time with someone else, I try to let them know why and I only do so if it is important (waiting to hear that a family member has arrived safely somewhere or someone who is having a medical procedure is all right), but there are very few things that are important enough to pull my attention from the person who I have chosen to spend time with.
When did we start becoming so dependent upon being "connected" that we started losing touch with the reality of being connected with the people that we care about? Electronic connections are a great tool, they allow us to make plans and to keep up on day to day happenings, but they were never meant to completely replace the personal touch. E-mail has replaced letter writing. Facebook has replaced having coffee together. Twitter has replaced a quick phone call to chat about nothing important.
I think that it is time to slow the tide a bit and to bring back the personal touch. When you're at dinner with your friends, or even sitting in the living room with your significant other while watching a DVD, just turn off your phone. Take a few minutes and write a card or letter to someone that you care about. Set up a time to just hang out with a friend without a laptop or tablet in sight. Hang onto those personal moments, because they are becoming more and more rare and they need to be cherished.
Be real, be respectful, be human. Put away the cellphone and really pay attention. You never know what you'll learn about the people that you care about. I CAN tell you that they will learn that they really mean something to you, and that is one of the best things that can ever be learned.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner: An Aggravating Saying
"Hate the sin, but love the sinner."
In these days of constant wrangling regarding subjects such as Same Sex Marriage we hear that saying over and over again from people. They talk about how they believe that being homosexual is a sin, a choice being made by the persons of that orientation, and that choice is a sinful one. But the ones saying it insist that they don't hate the persons who are homosexual, they just hate the fact that the homosexuals have chosen to be that way and have thus, in the speaker's mind, forsaken God.
Now, there are several potential arguments that could be brought up here. We could discuss how not everyone is a member of the religions that condemn homosexuality, and even how many of those who ARE members of those belief systems do not feel this way. We could discuss that being homosexual is not a choice, it is genetic. Those are topics for another day. My thoughts today center on the phrase mentioned above.
You see, I do not personally believe that it is possible to hate the sin and love the sinner. My thinking is that the sin is part of the person, it is part of what makes the whole, and thus cannot be separated out into some singular entity to be hated. The mistakes that I have made in my life have contributed toward making me into the person that I am today. If I had not made those mistakes, I would be someone else, and not only that, I would be a someone else who has less knowledge of who I am and the world that I live in. So if you took those mistakes away, you would be taking part of me away too.
Let me say it plainly, I do NOT think that being homosexual is a mistake. Because I know that there will be people who seize upon that word and run with it, putting words into my mouth that I never said. There ARE people who feel it is a mistake, and it is their thinking that I am addressing with this blog entry.
So assuming that you are one of the people who thinks that being homosexual is a mistake, but who is determined to hate the sin but love the sinner, I ask you how do you do this? How can you separate out something that is such an integral part of a person as their sexuality and hate it without hating the person? Because sexuality IS part of the person, and by hating it you are hating them. Again, ignoring the (very important) discussion of whether being homosexual is a choice or hard-coded into us, I understand what you are trying to say, but I'm here to tell you that this particular phrase does not offer any comfort to those who are among the hated.
Quite frankly, I am not homosexual but this phrase makes ME grind my teeth with frustration, so I cannot even imagine the levels of anger and resentment that it must create in those it is being applied to. I find that when someone says, "I hate the sin, but I still love the sinner." that it screams condescension to me, it says to me that the person saying it is placing themselves above the ones that they are referring to and that the speaker is announcing to the world that they are on the moral high ground and that they will lower themselves to acknowledge that while they believe the person being addressed is in the wrong, they may have SOME redeeming qualities. The speaker also implies that while there ARE some redeeming qualities in the addressed, those qualities will forever be overshadowed by this one aspect which the speaker finds unacceptable even though it is really none of their business to begin with.
I have to admit that I am always tempted to come back with, "Well, I hate the sin of pride and the sin of presuming to speak for deities, but I still love the sinners.". I have always been curious what would happen to the speakers if they had their phrase turned around on them. Would they still believe in hating the sin and loving the sinner? Or would they start finding reasons why it applies to everyone else and not them? But as I have a hard time with the entire concept of sin, I can't really do that.
It really boils down to the fact that I believe the greater evil is to nurture hatred and discrimination. What other people do in their bedrooms with consenting adults is their own business, not mine. If someone loves a person of the same gender, or if they love someone of the other gender, it doesn't matter. Everyone should have the right to visit the person they love in the hospital, to declare that love openly, and to build a life together without worrying that it will be arbitrarily taken away because someone somewhere arbitrarily names that love a sin. These are the things that matter, and for everything else, well that is between the individual and the person(s) that they love.
Love is never a "sin", and to hate love is part of my definition of evil. To claim that you can hate love while loving the lover is ridiculous and aggravating because it isn't possible. Love is part of us, part of the whole, and if you claim to hate the part while not hating the whole, I say to you that is an impossibility. Stop and think about it, and think about if you really love that person. If you do, how can you not love all of them? I just can't wrap my mind around it, and I'm not sure how anyone else truly can either.
So I welcome those of you who say "Hate the sin, love the sinner" to explain it to me. Seriously, I want to know the thinking behind it. Do so in an adult, plain-spoken manner. No personal attacks, no generalized attacks, how about no attacks at all for that matter? Adult, rational conversation about the topic is welcome here. Any other kind of discussion won't see the light of day because, as always, comments are screened.
*Note: I screen for offensiveness. I do not only allow comments that agree with me, but I do not allow comments that are trolling or obviously picking fights. You don't have to agree with me, but you DO have to be civil, polite, and adult in how you make your points. Thank you.
In these days of constant wrangling regarding subjects such as Same Sex Marriage we hear that saying over and over again from people. They talk about how they believe that being homosexual is a sin, a choice being made by the persons of that orientation, and that choice is a sinful one. But the ones saying it insist that they don't hate the persons who are homosexual, they just hate the fact that the homosexuals have chosen to be that way and have thus, in the speaker's mind, forsaken God.
Now, there are several potential arguments that could be brought up here. We could discuss how not everyone is a member of the religions that condemn homosexuality, and even how many of those who ARE members of those belief systems do not feel this way. We could discuss that being homosexual is not a choice, it is genetic. Those are topics for another day. My thoughts today center on the phrase mentioned above.
You see, I do not personally believe that it is possible to hate the sin and love the sinner. My thinking is that the sin is part of the person, it is part of what makes the whole, and thus cannot be separated out into some singular entity to be hated. The mistakes that I have made in my life have contributed toward making me into the person that I am today. If I had not made those mistakes, I would be someone else, and not only that, I would be a someone else who has less knowledge of who I am and the world that I live in. So if you took those mistakes away, you would be taking part of me away too.
Let me say it plainly, I do NOT think that being homosexual is a mistake. Because I know that there will be people who seize upon that word and run with it, putting words into my mouth that I never said. There ARE people who feel it is a mistake, and it is their thinking that I am addressing with this blog entry.
So assuming that you are one of the people who thinks that being homosexual is a mistake, but who is determined to hate the sin but love the sinner, I ask you how do you do this? How can you separate out something that is such an integral part of a person as their sexuality and hate it without hating the person? Because sexuality IS part of the person, and by hating it you are hating them. Again, ignoring the (very important) discussion of whether being homosexual is a choice or hard-coded into us, I understand what you are trying to say, but I'm here to tell you that this particular phrase does not offer any comfort to those who are among the hated.
Quite frankly, I am not homosexual but this phrase makes ME grind my teeth with frustration, so I cannot even imagine the levels of anger and resentment that it must create in those it is being applied to. I find that when someone says, "I hate the sin, but I still love the sinner." that it screams condescension to me, it says to me that the person saying it is placing themselves above the ones that they are referring to and that the speaker is announcing to the world that they are on the moral high ground and that they will lower themselves to acknowledge that while they believe the person being addressed is in the wrong, they may have SOME redeeming qualities. The speaker also implies that while there ARE some redeeming qualities in the addressed, those qualities will forever be overshadowed by this one aspect which the speaker finds unacceptable even though it is really none of their business to begin with.
I have to admit that I am always tempted to come back with, "Well, I hate the sin of pride and the sin of presuming to speak for deities, but I still love the sinners.". I have always been curious what would happen to the speakers if they had their phrase turned around on them. Would they still believe in hating the sin and loving the sinner? Or would they start finding reasons why it applies to everyone else and not them? But as I have a hard time with the entire concept of sin, I can't really do that.
It really boils down to the fact that I believe the greater evil is to nurture hatred and discrimination. What other people do in their bedrooms with consenting adults is their own business, not mine. If someone loves a person of the same gender, or if they love someone of the other gender, it doesn't matter. Everyone should have the right to visit the person they love in the hospital, to declare that love openly, and to build a life together without worrying that it will be arbitrarily taken away because someone somewhere arbitrarily names that love a sin. These are the things that matter, and for everything else, well that is between the individual and the person(s) that they love.
Love is never a "sin", and to hate love is part of my definition of evil. To claim that you can hate love while loving the lover is ridiculous and aggravating because it isn't possible. Love is part of us, part of the whole, and if you claim to hate the part while not hating the whole, I say to you that is an impossibility. Stop and think about it, and think about if you really love that person. If you do, how can you not love all of them? I just can't wrap my mind around it, and I'm not sure how anyone else truly can either.
So I welcome those of you who say "Hate the sin, love the sinner" to explain it to me. Seriously, I want to know the thinking behind it. Do so in an adult, plain-spoken manner. No personal attacks, no generalized attacks, how about no attacks at all for that matter? Adult, rational conversation about the topic is welcome here. Any other kind of discussion won't see the light of day because, as always, comments are screened.
*Note: I screen for offensiveness. I do not only allow comments that agree with me, but I do not allow comments that are trolling or obviously picking fights. You don't have to agree with me, but you DO have to be civil, polite, and adult in how you make your points. Thank you.
Loving Your Body: It Isn't For Wimps
I follow another blogger, her name is Ragen Chastain and her blog is Dances with Fat. She says a lot of things that make sense to me, some things that I strive for, and a few things that I disagree with. In other words, she writes an excellent blog!
One of the things that she says that I strive for is that it is important to love our bodies as they are, to appreciate all of the things that our bodies do for us on a daily, or even moment by moment, basis. Our bodies breathe, they blink, they digest food, they move, our hearts beat and our brain sends and receives messages. Whether we are fat or thin, whether we are at peak physical condition or have dozens of medical issues, our bodies are there for us every moment of every day, doing the jobs that they have to do to keep us going.
I'll admit, this is a hard one for me. I have spent most of my life hating my body. I have spent many hours cataloging the things that are wrong with it and having others point out the things that are wrong with it, and have neglected to appreciate everything that it does for me. I am trying to change that, but the habits of so many years are so difficult to break. So my current project is to counteract every negative thought that I find myself thinking with at least two positive ones. "I hate that my knees hurt so much." is followed by, "But I'm glad that my hands are nimble enough to do all of the crafting projects that I do, and I am happy that my brain is alert enough for me to enjoy reading the many kinds of books that I love." It isn't easy, and really feels downright fake sometimes, but this is the only way that I can think of to counteract the negativity that I'm feeding myself.
Of course, sometimes things catch us off guard.
For instance, there I was, doing something good for myself when *wham* I was caught right between the eyes by my own negativity. You see, I was dancing. We got a Kinect for our Xbox 360 and I was trying out a newtorture device game called "Just Dance 2". It is one of those games where the figures on the screen do dance moves and you're supposed to imitate them. The Kinect tracks your movements and you get points for how well you do what is being done on the screen. It is a surprisingly good workout for someone like myself, who is relatively sedentary, and is actually fun which beats going nowhere on a treadmill for hours.
However, the makers of this game were apparently cruel, evil-minded Class-A Torturers. You see, they decided to just randomly have the game take pictures of you as you're busting a move. So there you are, happily dancing away, when suddenly it starts clicking. The next thing you know, there you are! Sweaty, red-faced, and looking totally ridiculously NOTHING like any of the toons on the screen. Wow...what a de-motivator! This is very much not a moment for wimps!
Thus the challenge to myself for now: I am going to continue dancing to my game, working on moving better and enjoying the movement that I'm doing. I am NOT going to disable the photo option. I AM going to remind myself when those photos come onto my screen that they are photos of a woman who is working on being healthier, who is enjoying herself, and who is dancing to her own tune! I will fight That Little Voice when it says that the woman on the screen looks ridiculous and should just hide from the world. TLV doesn't know what it's talking about, and the woman on the screen is kicking butt and taking names!
So, Dear Readers, I challenge you to find a way to love your body for the next month. Whether you decide to start washing your face and moisturizing before bed every night, or to rebut the negative remarks that your TLV makes with positive ones, or to walk for ten minutes every day, it doesn't matter. Find a way to love your body that you haven't tried before (or that you've tried and just stopped doing), and let it know that it is appreciated. Let yourself know that YOU are appreciated just the way that you are.
Don't say you'll love your body when (insert condition here). Love it now. Love yourself now. You're the only You that you've got!
One of the things that she says that I strive for is that it is important to love our bodies as they are, to appreciate all of the things that our bodies do for us on a daily, or even moment by moment, basis. Our bodies breathe, they blink, they digest food, they move, our hearts beat and our brain sends and receives messages. Whether we are fat or thin, whether we are at peak physical condition or have dozens of medical issues, our bodies are there for us every moment of every day, doing the jobs that they have to do to keep us going.
I'll admit, this is a hard one for me. I have spent most of my life hating my body. I have spent many hours cataloging the things that are wrong with it and having others point out the things that are wrong with it, and have neglected to appreciate everything that it does for me. I am trying to change that, but the habits of so many years are so difficult to break. So my current project is to counteract every negative thought that I find myself thinking with at least two positive ones. "I hate that my knees hurt so much." is followed by, "But I'm glad that my hands are nimble enough to do all of the crafting projects that I do, and I am happy that my brain is alert enough for me to enjoy reading the many kinds of books that I love." It isn't easy, and really feels downright fake sometimes, but this is the only way that I can think of to counteract the negativity that I'm feeding myself.
Of course, sometimes things catch us off guard.
For instance, there I was, doing something good for myself when *wham* I was caught right between the eyes by my own negativity. You see, I was dancing. We got a Kinect for our Xbox 360 and I was trying out a new
However, the makers of this game were apparently cruel, evil-minded Class-A Torturers. You see, they decided to just randomly have the game take pictures of you as you're busting a move. So there you are, happily dancing away, when suddenly it starts clicking. The next thing you know, there you are! Sweaty, red-faced, and looking totally ridiculously NOTHING like any of the toons on the screen. Wow...what a de-motivator! This is very much not a moment for wimps!
Thus the challenge to myself for now: I am going to continue dancing to my game, working on moving better and enjoying the movement that I'm doing. I am NOT going to disable the photo option. I AM going to remind myself when those photos come onto my screen that they are photos of a woman who is working on being healthier, who is enjoying herself, and who is dancing to her own tune! I will fight That Little Voice when it says that the woman on the screen looks ridiculous and should just hide from the world. TLV doesn't know what it's talking about, and the woman on the screen is kicking butt and taking names!
So, Dear Readers, I challenge you to find a way to love your body for the next month. Whether you decide to start washing your face and moisturizing before bed every night, or to rebut the negative remarks that your TLV makes with positive ones, or to walk for ten minutes every day, it doesn't matter. Find a way to love your body that you haven't tried before (or that you've tried and just stopped doing), and let it know that it is appreciated. Let yourself know that YOU are appreciated just the way that you are.
Don't say you'll love your body when (insert condition here). Love it now. Love yourself now. You're the only You that you've got!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
A Mixed Farewell to Raspberry Zingers
Health at Every Size (tm) is about making healthy choices for yourself, and loving your body as it is without judging it or yourself. As those of you who read regularly are aware, I've been trying to make changes in my own life to reflect that way of thinking. Sometimes they're very hard, and sometimes I manage them with little difficulty. But there are always those unintended consequences that catch you off-guard. Today, I found one of those consequences.
Before I discovered H@ES I honestly hated my body (and by extension, myself). My body was something to be despised, and I could list a thousand negative adjectives to describe it. I didn't care whether I moved or not, I didn't care what I put into it, there were even times when I didn't care about showering or washing my hair because why bother to take care of something that was so repulsive to me? I managed the bare minimum of socially acceptable personal care when I had to go out in public, but when I was at home for any length of time, it just didn't matter. If I ignored it, then maybe it would go away.
Of course, all that mindset did was to reinforce my already negative self-impression. But when someone is in that mode of thinking, it is really hard to get through to them from the outside. They really have to find it within themselves to care about their body. That isn't easy to watch, and it isn't easy to do.
Anyway, consequences!
One of my favorite foods back when I didn't read labels or care about ingredients used to be Raspberry Zingers. You know the ones! They are that impossibly moist yellow cake with the white, creamy sweet stuff in the middle and a coating of Impossibly Pink Gooey Stuff on the outside that holds the sweetened coconut to the whole thing. Normally they come in either a box of 8 or 10 (I honestly can't remember how many are in a box now) or in my favorite, the vending machine three-pack.
When these Impossibly Pink Coconut Covered Nuggets of Goodness would appear in the vending machine at work I would literally bounce with excitement and grab for my change stash. I apparently wasn't the only addict in the office, because they would inevitably be the first thing to sell out (unless there were Chocolate Zingers in there, then the chocolate ones sold out first to be followed shortly by the raspberry) and I wanted to get MINE!
I would insert the coins, push the appropriate buttons, and watch anxiously as the corkscrew-shaped Goody Holder would turn, mentally sending every ounce of energy to make sure that my precious treasure wouldn't become a victim of The Snagged Treat Syndrome. I would rejoice at the solid "thunk" that followed, reassured that I had avoided the horrible fate of staring helplessly through the glass as my Zingers swung there, stuck on the end of the Goody Holder. I wouldn't become another office casualty, trapped under a fallen vending machine because I shook it too vigorously in the attempt to get my Zingers to let go.
My hand would reach through the swinging door at the bottom of the vending machine, extracting my prize and deftly avoiding having the flap close on them, making squished Zingers. Once I had them in my hand I was off to my desk, huddling over them like Gollum held his Ring, holding off any attempts to intercept myself or my treat with a ferocious glare of possession. And then, then I would be at my seat and I could finally safely open the package.
First, the scent. That sweet, heavenly scent of faux raspberry and coconut, with just a hint of fake vanilla extract! I would breathe deeply, savoring the anticipation of the first bite for just a moment longer until I couldn't hold myself back any more. Mere minutes later the evidence would be on my desk in the form of a crumpled piece of plastic and a small, white rectangle of thin cardboard. Maybe there would be a stray piece of pink-ended coconut here or there, or a smear of pink on the cardboard, but that would be all that remained of the three Zingers that had existed just moments before.
I didn't take my time and enjoy them, I inhaled them. And immediately I would feel a combination of over-sugared nausea and the desire for more.
And the shame.
I was ashamed because I got them to begin with. I was ashamed because I ate them so quickly. I was ashamed because they were "bad food" and society says that when we eat bad food we should punish ourselves. I was ashamed because I was fat, and I was eating food that fat people shouldn't be eating.
So when we saw a display of Zingers, mini donuts and other treats by that company in the store yesterday priced at 10 for $10 I told my husband that if he wanted to take some for his desk at work he should grab a few. As an afterthought I told him to grab me one package of Raspberry Zingers too, please. I haven't actually had them for about three years or so, I would say, maybe longer now.
Today I decided to have them as a mid-afternoon snack. I was worried in the back of my mind that they would trigger a craving to have more and more and more of them (part of why I only got one package), but I really wanted to taste that Raspberry Goodness again, so I decided that I was safe from going too nuts as I would have to go back to the store to get more and getting a craving THAT strong is rare for me.
I opened the package and inhaled that remembered fragrance, but it wasn't quite the same to me this time. The smell had a slight chemical tinge to it that I didn't remember from the past. Then I took a bite. Now, Dear Readers, I wish that I could say that I took one bite and stopped, throwing the rest away. I don't want to say that because I think that is the reaction I should have had, but rather because it would make a really cool dramatic ending, and I AM a writer (amongst other things) after all! But that's not how it happened. I actually ate all three, but rather than gobbling them down and not tasting them, I ate them relatively slowly. Each bite that I took was followed by a small hint of disappointment and the unspoken hope that the next bite would bring back the enjoyment that I remembered so fondly.
And then they were gone. There was the crumpled plastic, the small white rectangle of cardboard, the stray piece of pink-ended coconut. The evidence was in, and it took me a long moment to realize what the evidence was telling me. Finally comprehension dawned:
I don't like Raspberry Zingers any more.
I found myself torn between exultation and sadness. Raspberry Zingers had been a comfort food to me at a time when I needed comfort. I had so little that I liked in my life then, and those little round-cornered rectangles of sweetness had given me something to enjoy, even for a moment. But now that enjoyment was gone. I have been eating real fruits and treats made with real ingredients for long enough that my taste buds were thrown into shock by having all of those chemicals assault them at once. (I'm not sure they've forgiven me yet, but we'll see when I have dinner if they will let go of their indignation or not.)
I know that some are asking, "Why write an entire blog post about this, Lys?"
Quite simply, this episode has brought home several truths to me, and personal truths are really what blog posts are supposed to be about, right?
It is a personal truth for me that my tastes HAVE changed in a way that I believe is for the better. My body expects, no...it DEMANDS, that I give it quality, whole foods prepared in ways that are healthy and taste great.
It is a personal truth for me that you CAN change your tastes over time if you start small and make your changes one at a time.
It is a personal truth for me that I am no longer the person I was then. I have grown, I have changed, I have discovered ways to *gasp* love myself.
It is a personal truth for me that I'm not totally there yet. I still have very far to go on this path but while I have a distance to travel, I can look back at the path behind me and see that I have come so very far already and celebrate that distance.
It is a personal truth to me that this journey is worthwhile because I am worth it.
That's what it comes down to in the end. We're worth it. We're worth more than self-hatred. We're worth more than shame. We're worth more than thousands of negative adjectives. We're all worth more than that.
I'm worth more than those things.
So are you.
Before I discovered H@ES I honestly hated my body (and by extension, myself). My body was something to be despised, and I could list a thousand negative adjectives to describe it. I didn't care whether I moved or not, I didn't care what I put into it, there were even times when I didn't care about showering or washing my hair because why bother to take care of something that was so repulsive to me? I managed the bare minimum of socially acceptable personal care when I had to go out in public, but when I was at home for any length of time, it just didn't matter. If I ignored it, then maybe it would go away.
Of course, all that mindset did was to reinforce my already negative self-impression. But when someone is in that mode of thinking, it is really hard to get through to them from the outside. They really have to find it within themselves to care about their body. That isn't easy to watch, and it isn't easy to do.
Anyway, consequences!
One of my favorite foods back when I didn't read labels or care about ingredients used to be Raspberry Zingers. You know the ones! They are that impossibly moist yellow cake with the white, creamy sweet stuff in the middle and a coating of Impossibly Pink Gooey Stuff on the outside that holds the sweetened coconut to the whole thing. Normally they come in either a box of 8 or 10 (I honestly can't remember how many are in a box now) or in my favorite, the vending machine three-pack.
When these Impossibly Pink Coconut Covered Nuggets of Goodness would appear in the vending machine at work I would literally bounce with excitement and grab for my change stash. I apparently wasn't the only addict in the office, because they would inevitably be the first thing to sell out (unless there were Chocolate Zingers in there, then the chocolate ones sold out first to be followed shortly by the raspberry) and I wanted to get MINE!
I would insert the coins, push the appropriate buttons, and watch anxiously as the corkscrew-shaped Goody Holder would turn, mentally sending every ounce of energy to make sure that my precious treasure wouldn't become a victim of The Snagged Treat Syndrome. I would rejoice at the solid "thunk" that followed, reassured that I had avoided the horrible fate of staring helplessly through the glass as my Zingers swung there, stuck on the end of the Goody Holder. I wouldn't become another office casualty, trapped under a fallen vending machine because I shook it too vigorously in the attempt to get my Zingers to let go.
My hand would reach through the swinging door at the bottom of the vending machine, extracting my prize and deftly avoiding having the flap close on them, making squished Zingers. Once I had them in my hand I was off to my desk, huddling over them like Gollum held his Ring, holding off any attempts to intercept myself or my treat with a ferocious glare of possession. And then, then I would be at my seat and I could finally safely open the package.
First, the scent. That sweet, heavenly scent of faux raspberry and coconut, with just a hint of fake vanilla extract! I would breathe deeply, savoring the anticipation of the first bite for just a moment longer until I couldn't hold myself back any more. Mere minutes later the evidence would be on my desk in the form of a crumpled piece of plastic and a small, white rectangle of thin cardboard. Maybe there would be a stray piece of pink-ended coconut here or there, or a smear of pink on the cardboard, but that would be all that remained of the three Zingers that had existed just moments before.
I didn't take my time and enjoy them, I inhaled them. And immediately I would feel a combination of over-sugared nausea and the desire for more.
And the shame.
I was ashamed because I got them to begin with. I was ashamed because I ate them so quickly. I was ashamed because they were "bad food" and society says that when we eat bad food we should punish ourselves. I was ashamed because I was fat, and I was eating food that fat people shouldn't be eating.
So when we saw a display of Zingers, mini donuts and other treats by that company in the store yesterday priced at 10 for $10 I told my husband that if he wanted to take some for his desk at work he should grab a few. As an afterthought I told him to grab me one package of Raspberry Zingers too, please. I haven't actually had them for about three years or so, I would say, maybe longer now.
Today I decided to have them as a mid-afternoon snack. I was worried in the back of my mind that they would trigger a craving to have more and more and more of them (part of why I only got one package), but I really wanted to taste that Raspberry Goodness again, so I decided that I was safe from going too nuts as I would have to go back to the store to get more and getting a craving THAT strong is rare for me.
I opened the package and inhaled that remembered fragrance, but it wasn't quite the same to me this time. The smell had a slight chemical tinge to it that I didn't remember from the past. Then I took a bite. Now, Dear Readers, I wish that I could say that I took one bite and stopped, throwing the rest away. I don't want to say that because I think that is the reaction I should have had, but rather because it would make a really cool dramatic ending, and I AM a writer (amongst other things) after all! But that's not how it happened. I actually ate all three, but rather than gobbling them down and not tasting them, I ate them relatively slowly. Each bite that I took was followed by a small hint of disappointment and the unspoken hope that the next bite would bring back the enjoyment that I remembered so fondly.
And then they were gone. There was the crumpled plastic, the small white rectangle of cardboard, the stray piece of pink-ended coconut. The evidence was in, and it took me a long moment to realize what the evidence was telling me. Finally comprehension dawned:
I don't like Raspberry Zingers any more.
I found myself torn between exultation and sadness. Raspberry Zingers had been a comfort food to me at a time when I needed comfort. I had so little that I liked in my life then, and those little round-cornered rectangles of sweetness had given me something to enjoy, even for a moment. But now that enjoyment was gone. I have been eating real fruits and treats made with real ingredients for long enough that my taste buds were thrown into shock by having all of those chemicals assault them at once. (I'm not sure they've forgiven me yet, but we'll see when I have dinner if they will let go of their indignation or not.)
I know that some are asking, "Why write an entire blog post about this, Lys?"
Quite simply, this episode has brought home several truths to me, and personal truths are really what blog posts are supposed to be about, right?
It is a personal truth for me that my tastes HAVE changed in a way that I believe is for the better. My body expects, no...it DEMANDS, that I give it quality, whole foods prepared in ways that are healthy and taste great.
It is a personal truth for me that you CAN change your tastes over time if you start small and make your changes one at a time.
It is a personal truth for me that I am no longer the person I was then. I have grown, I have changed, I have discovered ways to *gasp* love myself.
It is a personal truth for me that I'm not totally there yet. I still have very far to go on this path but while I have a distance to travel, I can look back at the path behind me and see that I have come so very far already and celebrate that distance.
It is a personal truth to me that this journey is worthwhile because I am worth it.
That's what it comes down to in the end. We're worth it. We're worth more than self-hatred. We're worth more than shame. We're worth more than thousands of negative adjectives. We're all worth more than that.
I'm worth more than those things.
So are you.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
It had to be done
My friend Matt posted a blog today about how people react in emergencies. He discussed how some people think first in an emergency, trying to decide how to act, and how other people act first and do what needs to be done, then think about it later (and usually have a lovely breakdown when all of the "what ifs" hit them at once). A phrase that has been in my mind since I read his post is "it had to be done".
This afternoon I was putting new elastic in the waistband of a pair of pants. I could probably have done it in five minutes if I broke out the sewing machine, but I find hand-sewing to be very relaxing, so I settled onto the couch and turned on the television for background as I worked. I happened to land on a showing of "Iron Man". (Yeah, yeah, there's a point, I'm getting there! *grin*) My attention was caught by the scene in which Tony Stark tries to stop Pepper Potts from walking out of his life by explaining just WHY he has to put himself in danger to help other people. He discusses how he's reaped the rewards of violence and arms development without really thinking about how those items are used, and now that he has been through his experiences and had first-hand exposure to the havoc that his creations wreak, he knows that it is his responsibility to make up for some of the chaos that wouldn't have occurred if he hadn't come up with his ideas, if his company had been more responsible about who they were sold to and where they went. He looks at Pepper with anguish and the hope that she'll understand and says, "I just have to."
The Universe isn't really known for its subtlety. It has a tendency to smack people in the back of the head with Clue by Fours every now and again, and I suspect that this thematic recurrence is just another one of those CxF type instances. But I find myself examining it and wondering just how it is supposed to apply in my own life. I mean, I'm not a billionaire playboy philanthropist, so I can't really build an amazing suit of powered armor and leap into the fray. I do tend to be one of those who act in a situation rather than sit and think about what I should do, but I don't think that it would be helpful for me to run around trying to find emergencies as here are many well-trained and qualified people out there doing that already (this is where you should pause a moment to give a heartfelt thanks to the many police, firefighters, EMTs, doctors, nurses, military members and so on who keep our butts relatively safe every day).
So what is it that The Universe is trying to get me to do? As I ponder this question I come to realize that it isn't always the big things that need doing. Pulling someone from a burning building is an amazing feat of courage and ability, but sometimes the little things can change people's lives nearly as much as the big ones. When someone is on their last reserves it can be the small gesture of kindness that pulls them back from the precipice.
I'm doing my best to grow as a person, to find ways to make the world a little better, a little kinder, a little nicer than I found it. Some of the ways are bigger than others, but all of them are things that I just have to do. I can't look at certain situations without jumping in and doing what I can to make them better. What those situations specifically are don't really matter to anyone besides myself and the others (if any) involved, what matters is that I'm not sitting back and just thinking about what I should do, I'm going ahead and doing first, thinking later.
I suspect that if you look around yourself, you'll find things that you can do, things that just have to be done. Little things, big things, little things that are big things to the recipients, there are all sorts of opportunities out there if we just pause and look around and then look inside ourselves. Once we find them we can move forward into acting, not just throw theories around about how to make things better.
Take a moment and pull your head out of your own life, take a look at the world around you. Seize that moment, do that thing and that stuff for those people. When you're all done, stop and think about it, why you did it, what worked and what you could have done better, even possibly break down for a moment because it is a little overwhelming. And when you've done all of that, take another moment, a deep breath, then smile and say to yourself, "It had to be done."
This afternoon I was putting new elastic in the waistband of a pair of pants. I could probably have done it in five minutes if I broke out the sewing machine, but I find hand-sewing to be very relaxing, so I settled onto the couch and turned on the television for background as I worked. I happened to land on a showing of "Iron Man". (Yeah, yeah, there's a point, I'm getting there! *grin*) My attention was caught by the scene in which Tony Stark tries to stop Pepper Potts from walking out of his life by explaining just WHY he has to put himself in danger to help other people. He discusses how he's reaped the rewards of violence and arms development without really thinking about how those items are used, and now that he has been through his experiences and had first-hand exposure to the havoc that his creations wreak, he knows that it is his responsibility to make up for some of the chaos that wouldn't have occurred if he hadn't come up with his ideas, if his company had been more responsible about who they were sold to and where they went. He looks at Pepper with anguish and the hope that she'll understand and says, "I just have to."
The Universe isn't really known for its subtlety. It has a tendency to smack people in the back of the head with Clue by Fours every now and again, and I suspect that this thematic recurrence is just another one of those CxF type instances. But I find myself examining it and wondering just how it is supposed to apply in my own life. I mean, I'm not a billionaire playboy philanthropist, so I can't really build an amazing suit of powered armor and leap into the fray. I do tend to be one of those who act in a situation rather than sit and think about what I should do, but I don't think that it would be helpful for me to run around trying to find emergencies as here are many well-trained and qualified people out there doing that already (this is where you should pause a moment to give a heartfelt thanks to the many police, firefighters, EMTs, doctors, nurses, military members and so on who keep our butts relatively safe every day).
So what is it that The Universe is trying to get me to do? As I ponder this question I come to realize that it isn't always the big things that need doing. Pulling someone from a burning building is an amazing feat of courage and ability, but sometimes the little things can change people's lives nearly as much as the big ones. When someone is on their last reserves it can be the small gesture of kindness that pulls them back from the precipice.
I'm doing my best to grow as a person, to find ways to make the world a little better, a little kinder, a little nicer than I found it. Some of the ways are bigger than others, but all of them are things that I just have to do. I can't look at certain situations without jumping in and doing what I can to make them better. What those situations specifically are don't really matter to anyone besides myself and the others (if any) involved, what matters is that I'm not sitting back and just thinking about what I should do, I'm going ahead and doing first, thinking later.
I suspect that if you look around yourself, you'll find things that you can do, things that just have to be done. Little things, big things, little things that are big things to the recipients, there are all sorts of opportunities out there if we just pause and look around and then look inside ourselves. Once we find them we can move forward into acting, not just throw theories around about how to make things better.
Take a moment and pull your head out of your own life, take a look at the world around you. Seize that moment, do that thing and that stuff for those people. When you're all done, stop and think about it, why you did it, what worked and what you could have done better, even possibly break down for a moment because it is a little overwhelming. And when you've done all of that, take another moment, a deep breath, then smile and say to yourself, "It had to be done."
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