"Hate the sin, but love the sinner."
In these days of constant wrangling regarding subjects such as Same Sex Marriage we hear that saying over and over again from people. They talk about how they believe that being homosexual is a sin, a choice being made by the persons of that orientation, and that choice is a sinful one. But the ones saying it insist that they don't hate the persons who are homosexual, they just hate the fact that the homosexuals have chosen to be that way and have thus, in the speaker's mind, forsaken God.
Now, there are several potential arguments that could be brought up here. We could discuss how not everyone is a member of the religions that condemn homosexuality, and even how many of those who ARE members of those belief systems do not feel this way. We could discuss that being homosexual is not a choice, it is genetic. Those are topics for another day. My thoughts today center on the phrase mentioned above.
You see, I do not personally believe that it is possible to hate the sin and love the sinner. My thinking is that the sin is part of the person, it is part of what makes the whole, and thus cannot be separated out into some singular entity to be hated. The mistakes that I have made in my life have contributed toward making me into the person that I am today. If I had not made those mistakes, I would be someone else, and not only that, I would be a someone else who has less knowledge of who I am and the world that I live in. So if you took those mistakes away, you would be taking part of me away too.
Let me say it plainly, I do NOT think that being homosexual is a mistake. Because I know that there will be people who seize upon that word and run with it, putting words into my mouth that I never said. There ARE people who feel it is a mistake, and it is their thinking that I am addressing with this blog entry.
So assuming that you are one of the people who thinks that being homosexual is a mistake, but who is determined to hate the sin but love the sinner, I ask you how do you do this? How can you separate out something that is such an integral part of a person as their sexuality and hate it without hating the person? Because sexuality IS part of the person, and by hating it you are hating them. Again, ignoring the (very important) discussion of whether being homosexual is a choice or hard-coded into us, I understand what you are trying to say, but I'm here to tell you that this particular phrase does not offer any comfort to those who are among the hated.
Quite frankly, I am not homosexual but this phrase makes ME grind my teeth with frustration, so I cannot even imagine the levels of anger and resentment that it must create in those it is being applied to. I find that when someone says, "I hate the sin, but I still love the sinner." that it screams condescension to me, it says to me that the person saying it is placing themselves above the ones that they are referring to and that the speaker is announcing to the world that they are on the moral high ground and that they will lower themselves to acknowledge that while they believe the person being addressed is in the wrong, they may have SOME redeeming qualities. The speaker also implies that while there ARE some redeeming qualities in the addressed, those qualities will forever be overshadowed by this one aspect which the speaker finds unacceptable even though it is really none of their business to begin with.
I have to admit that I am always tempted to come back with, "Well, I hate the sin of pride and the sin of presuming to speak for deities, but I still love the sinners.". I have always been curious what would happen to the speakers if they had their phrase turned around on them. Would they still believe in hating the sin and loving the sinner? Or would they start finding reasons why it applies to everyone else and not them? But as I have a hard time with the entire concept of sin, I can't really do that.
It really boils down to the fact that I believe the greater evil is to nurture hatred and discrimination. What other people do in their bedrooms with consenting adults is their own business, not mine. If someone loves a person of the same gender, or if they love someone of the other gender, it doesn't matter. Everyone should have the right to visit the person they love in the hospital, to declare that love openly, and to build a life together without worrying that it will be arbitrarily taken away because someone somewhere arbitrarily names that love a sin. These are the things that matter, and for everything else, well that is between the individual and the person(s) that they love.
Love is never a "sin", and to hate love is part of my definition of evil. To claim that you can hate love while loving the lover is ridiculous and aggravating because it isn't possible. Love is part of us, part of the whole, and if you claim to hate the part while not hating the whole, I say to you that is an impossibility. Stop and think about it, and think about if you really love that person. If you do, how can you not love all of them? I just can't wrap my mind around it, and I'm not sure how anyone else truly can either.
So I welcome those of you who say "Hate the sin, love the sinner" to explain it to me. Seriously, I want to know the thinking behind it. Do so in an adult, plain-spoken manner. No personal attacks, no generalized attacks, how about no attacks at all for that matter? Adult, rational conversation about the topic is welcome here. Any other kind of discussion won't see the light of day because, as always, comments are screened.
*Note: I screen for offensiveness. I do not only allow comments that agree with me, but I do not allow comments that are trolling or obviously picking fights. You don't have to agree with me, but you DO have to be civil, polite, and adult in how you make your points. Thank you.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Loving Your Body: It Isn't For Wimps
I follow another blogger, her name is Ragen Chastain and her blog is Dances with Fat. She says a lot of things that make sense to me, some things that I strive for, and a few things that I disagree with. In other words, she writes an excellent blog!
One of the things that she says that I strive for is that it is important to love our bodies as they are, to appreciate all of the things that our bodies do for us on a daily, or even moment by moment, basis. Our bodies breathe, they blink, they digest food, they move, our hearts beat and our brain sends and receives messages. Whether we are fat or thin, whether we are at peak physical condition or have dozens of medical issues, our bodies are there for us every moment of every day, doing the jobs that they have to do to keep us going.
I'll admit, this is a hard one for me. I have spent most of my life hating my body. I have spent many hours cataloging the things that are wrong with it and having others point out the things that are wrong with it, and have neglected to appreciate everything that it does for me. I am trying to change that, but the habits of so many years are so difficult to break. So my current project is to counteract every negative thought that I find myself thinking with at least two positive ones. "I hate that my knees hurt so much." is followed by, "But I'm glad that my hands are nimble enough to do all of the crafting projects that I do, and I am happy that my brain is alert enough for me to enjoy reading the many kinds of books that I love." It isn't easy, and really feels downright fake sometimes, but this is the only way that I can think of to counteract the negativity that I'm feeding myself.
Of course, sometimes things catch us off guard.
For instance, there I was, doing something good for myself when *wham* I was caught right between the eyes by my own negativity. You see, I was dancing. We got a Kinect for our Xbox 360 and I was trying out a newtorture device game called "Just Dance 2". It is one of those games where the figures on the screen do dance moves and you're supposed to imitate them. The Kinect tracks your movements and you get points for how well you do what is being done on the screen. It is a surprisingly good workout for someone like myself, who is relatively sedentary, and is actually fun which beats going nowhere on a treadmill for hours.
However, the makers of this game were apparently cruel, evil-minded Class-A Torturers. You see, they decided to just randomly have the game take pictures of you as you're busting a move. So there you are, happily dancing away, when suddenly it starts clicking. The next thing you know, there you are! Sweaty, red-faced, and looking totally ridiculously NOTHING like any of the toons on the screen. Wow...what a de-motivator! This is very much not a moment for wimps!
Thus the challenge to myself for now: I am going to continue dancing to my game, working on moving better and enjoying the movement that I'm doing. I am NOT going to disable the photo option. I AM going to remind myself when those photos come onto my screen that they are photos of a woman who is working on being healthier, who is enjoying herself, and who is dancing to her own tune! I will fight That Little Voice when it says that the woman on the screen looks ridiculous and should just hide from the world. TLV doesn't know what it's talking about, and the woman on the screen is kicking butt and taking names!
So, Dear Readers, I challenge you to find a way to love your body for the next month. Whether you decide to start washing your face and moisturizing before bed every night, or to rebut the negative remarks that your TLV makes with positive ones, or to walk for ten minutes every day, it doesn't matter. Find a way to love your body that you haven't tried before (or that you've tried and just stopped doing), and let it know that it is appreciated. Let yourself know that YOU are appreciated just the way that you are.
Don't say you'll love your body when (insert condition here). Love it now. Love yourself now. You're the only You that you've got!
One of the things that she says that I strive for is that it is important to love our bodies as they are, to appreciate all of the things that our bodies do for us on a daily, or even moment by moment, basis. Our bodies breathe, they blink, they digest food, they move, our hearts beat and our brain sends and receives messages. Whether we are fat or thin, whether we are at peak physical condition or have dozens of medical issues, our bodies are there for us every moment of every day, doing the jobs that they have to do to keep us going.
I'll admit, this is a hard one for me. I have spent most of my life hating my body. I have spent many hours cataloging the things that are wrong with it and having others point out the things that are wrong with it, and have neglected to appreciate everything that it does for me. I am trying to change that, but the habits of so many years are so difficult to break. So my current project is to counteract every negative thought that I find myself thinking with at least two positive ones. "I hate that my knees hurt so much." is followed by, "But I'm glad that my hands are nimble enough to do all of the crafting projects that I do, and I am happy that my brain is alert enough for me to enjoy reading the many kinds of books that I love." It isn't easy, and really feels downright fake sometimes, but this is the only way that I can think of to counteract the negativity that I'm feeding myself.
Of course, sometimes things catch us off guard.
For instance, there I was, doing something good for myself when *wham* I was caught right between the eyes by my own negativity. You see, I was dancing. We got a Kinect for our Xbox 360 and I was trying out a new
However, the makers of this game were apparently cruel, evil-minded Class-A Torturers. You see, they decided to just randomly have the game take pictures of you as you're busting a move. So there you are, happily dancing away, when suddenly it starts clicking. The next thing you know, there you are! Sweaty, red-faced, and looking totally ridiculously NOTHING like any of the toons on the screen. Wow...what a de-motivator! This is very much not a moment for wimps!
Thus the challenge to myself for now: I am going to continue dancing to my game, working on moving better and enjoying the movement that I'm doing. I am NOT going to disable the photo option. I AM going to remind myself when those photos come onto my screen that they are photos of a woman who is working on being healthier, who is enjoying herself, and who is dancing to her own tune! I will fight That Little Voice when it says that the woman on the screen looks ridiculous and should just hide from the world. TLV doesn't know what it's talking about, and the woman on the screen is kicking butt and taking names!
So, Dear Readers, I challenge you to find a way to love your body for the next month. Whether you decide to start washing your face and moisturizing before bed every night, or to rebut the negative remarks that your TLV makes with positive ones, or to walk for ten minutes every day, it doesn't matter. Find a way to love your body that you haven't tried before (or that you've tried and just stopped doing), and let it know that it is appreciated. Let yourself know that YOU are appreciated just the way that you are.
Don't say you'll love your body when (insert condition here). Love it now. Love yourself now. You're the only You that you've got!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
A Mixed Farewell to Raspberry Zingers
Health at Every Size (tm) is about making healthy choices for yourself, and loving your body as it is without judging it or yourself. As those of you who read regularly are aware, I've been trying to make changes in my own life to reflect that way of thinking. Sometimes they're very hard, and sometimes I manage them with little difficulty. But there are always those unintended consequences that catch you off-guard. Today, I found one of those consequences.
Before I discovered H@ES I honestly hated my body (and by extension, myself). My body was something to be despised, and I could list a thousand negative adjectives to describe it. I didn't care whether I moved or not, I didn't care what I put into it, there were even times when I didn't care about showering or washing my hair because why bother to take care of something that was so repulsive to me? I managed the bare minimum of socially acceptable personal care when I had to go out in public, but when I was at home for any length of time, it just didn't matter. If I ignored it, then maybe it would go away.
Of course, all that mindset did was to reinforce my already negative self-impression. But when someone is in that mode of thinking, it is really hard to get through to them from the outside. They really have to find it within themselves to care about their body. That isn't easy to watch, and it isn't easy to do.
Anyway, consequences!
One of my favorite foods back when I didn't read labels or care about ingredients used to be Raspberry Zingers. You know the ones! They are that impossibly moist yellow cake with the white, creamy sweet stuff in the middle and a coating of Impossibly Pink Gooey Stuff on the outside that holds the sweetened coconut to the whole thing. Normally they come in either a box of 8 or 10 (I honestly can't remember how many are in a box now) or in my favorite, the vending machine three-pack.
When these Impossibly Pink Coconut Covered Nuggets of Goodness would appear in the vending machine at work I would literally bounce with excitement and grab for my change stash. I apparently wasn't the only addict in the office, because they would inevitably be the first thing to sell out (unless there were Chocolate Zingers in there, then the chocolate ones sold out first to be followed shortly by the raspberry) and I wanted to get MINE!
I would insert the coins, push the appropriate buttons, and watch anxiously as the corkscrew-shaped Goody Holder would turn, mentally sending every ounce of energy to make sure that my precious treasure wouldn't become a victim of The Snagged Treat Syndrome. I would rejoice at the solid "thunk" that followed, reassured that I had avoided the horrible fate of staring helplessly through the glass as my Zingers swung there, stuck on the end of the Goody Holder. I wouldn't become another office casualty, trapped under a fallen vending machine because I shook it too vigorously in the attempt to get my Zingers to let go.
My hand would reach through the swinging door at the bottom of the vending machine, extracting my prize and deftly avoiding having the flap close on them, making squished Zingers. Once I had them in my hand I was off to my desk, huddling over them like Gollum held his Ring, holding off any attempts to intercept myself or my treat with a ferocious glare of possession. And then, then I would be at my seat and I could finally safely open the package.
First, the scent. That sweet, heavenly scent of faux raspberry and coconut, with just a hint of fake vanilla extract! I would breathe deeply, savoring the anticipation of the first bite for just a moment longer until I couldn't hold myself back any more. Mere minutes later the evidence would be on my desk in the form of a crumpled piece of plastic and a small, white rectangle of thin cardboard. Maybe there would be a stray piece of pink-ended coconut here or there, or a smear of pink on the cardboard, but that would be all that remained of the three Zingers that had existed just moments before.
I didn't take my time and enjoy them, I inhaled them. And immediately I would feel a combination of over-sugared nausea and the desire for more.
And the shame.
I was ashamed because I got them to begin with. I was ashamed because I ate them so quickly. I was ashamed because they were "bad food" and society says that when we eat bad food we should punish ourselves. I was ashamed because I was fat, and I was eating food that fat people shouldn't be eating.
So when we saw a display of Zingers, mini donuts and other treats by that company in the store yesterday priced at 10 for $10 I told my husband that if he wanted to take some for his desk at work he should grab a few. As an afterthought I told him to grab me one package of Raspberry Zingers too, please. I haven't actually had them for about three years or so, I would say, maybe longer now.
Today I decided to have them as a mid-afternoon snack. I was worried in the back of my mind that they would trigger a craving to have more and more and more of them (part of why I only got one package), but I really wanted to taste that Raspberry Goodness again, so I decided that I was safe from going too nuts as I would have to go back to the store to get more and getting a craving THAT strong is rare for me.
I opened the package and inhaled that remembered fragrance, but it wasn't quite the same to me this time. The smell had a slight chemical tinge to it that I didn't remember from the past. Then I took a bite. Now, Dear Readers, I wish that I could say that I took one bite and stopped, throwing the rest away. I don't want to say that because I think that is the reaction I should have had, but rather because it would make a really cool dramatic ending, and I AM a writer (amongst other things) after all! But that's not how it happened. I actually ate all three, but rather than gobbling them down and not tasting them, I ate them relatively slowly. Each bite that I took was followed by a small hint of disappointment and the unspoken hope that the next bite would bring back the enjoyment that I remembered so fondly.
And then they were gone. There was the crumpled plastic, the small white rectangle of cardboard, the stray piece of pink-ended coconut. The evidence was in, and it took me a long moment to realize what the evidence was telling me. Finally comprehension dawned:
I don't like Raspberry Zingers any more.
I found myself torn between exultation and sadness. Raspberry Zingers had been a comfort food to me at a time when I needed comfort. I had so little that I liked in my life then, and those little round-cornered rectangles of sweetness had given me something to enjoy, even for a moment. But now that enjoyment was gone. I have been eating real fruits and treats made with real ingredients for long enough that my taste buds were thrown into shock by having all of those chemicals assault them at once. (I'm not sure they've forgiven me yet, but we'll see when I have dinner if they will let go of their indignation or not.)
I know that some are asking, "Why write an entire blog post about this, Lys?"
Quite simply, this episode has brought home several truths to me, and personal truths are really what blog posts are supposed to be about, right?
It is a personal truth for me that my tastes HAVE changed in a way that I believe is for the better. My body expects, no...it DEMANDS, that I give it quality, whole foods prepared in ways that are healthy and taste great.
It is a personal truth for me that you CAN change your tastes over time if you start small and make your changes one at a time.
It is a personal truth for me that I am no longer the person I was then. I have grown, I have changed, I have discovered ways to *gasp* love myself.
It is a personal truth for me that I'm not totally there yet. I still have very far to go on this path but while I have a distance to travel, I can look back at the path behind me and see that I have come so very far already and celebrate that distance.
It is a personal truth to me that this journey is worthwhile because I am worth it.
That's what it comes down to in the end. We're worth it. We're worth more than self-hatred. We're worth more than shame. We're worth more than thousands of negative adjectives. We're all worth more than that.
I'm worth more than those things.
So are you.
Before I discovered H@ES I honestly hated my body (and by extension, myself). My body was something to be despised, and I could list a thousand negative adjectives to describe it. I didn't care whether I moved or not, I didn't care what I put into it, there were even times when I didn't care about showering or washing my hair because why bother to take care of something that was so repulsive to me? I managed the bare minimum of socially acceptable personal care when I had to go out in public, but when I was at home for any length of time, it just didn't matter. If I ignored it, then maybe it would go away.
Of course, all that mindset did was to reinforce my already negative self-impression. But when someone is in that mode of thinking, it is really hard to get through to them from the outside. They really have to find it within themselves to care about their body. That isn't easy to watch, and it isn't easy to do.
Anyway, consequences!
One of my favorite foods back when I didn't read labels or care about ingredients used to be Raspberry Zingers. You know the ones! They are that impossibly moist yellow cake with the white, creamy sweet stuff in the middle and a coating of Impossibly Pink Gooey Stuff on the outside that holds the sweetened coconut to the whole thing. Normally they come in either a box of 8 or 10 (I honestly can't remember how many are in a box now) or in my favorite, the vending machine three-pack.
When these Impossibly Pink Coconut Covered Nuggets of Goodness would appear in the vending machine at work I would literally bounce with excitement and grab for my change stash. I apparently wasn't the only addict in the office, because they would inevitably be the first thing to sell out (unless there were Chocolate Zingers in there, then the chocolate ones sold out first to be followed shortly by the raspberry) and I wanted to get MINE!
I would insert the coins, push the appropriate buttons, and watch anxiously as the corkscrew-shaped Goody Holder would turn, mentally sending every ounce of energy to make sure that my precious treasure wouldn't become a victim of The Snagged Treat Syndrome. I would rejoice at the solid "thunk" that followed, reassured that I had avoided the horrible fate of staring helplessly through the glass as my Zingers swung there, stuck on the end of the Goody Holder. I wouldn't become another office casualty, trapped under a fallen vending machine because I shook it too vigorously in the attempt to get my Zingers to let go.
My hand would reach through the swinging door at the bottom of the vending machine, extracting my prize and deftly avoiding having the flap close on them, making squished Zingers. Once I had them in my hand I was off to my desk, huddling over them like Gollum held his Ring, holding off any attempts to intercept myself or my treat with a ferocious glare of possession. And then, then I would be at my seat and I could finally safely open the package.
First, the scent. That sweet, heavenly scent of faux raspberry and coconut, with just a hint of fake vanilla extract! I would breathe deeply, savoring the anticipation of the first bite for just a moment longer until I couldn't hold myself back any more. Mere minutes later the evidence would be on my desk in the form of a crumpled piece of plastic and a small, white rectangle of thin cardboard. Maybe there would be a stray piece of pink-ended coconut here or there, or a smear of pink on the cardboard, but that would be all that remained of the three Zingers that had existed just moments before.
I didn't take my time and enjoy them, I inhaled them. And immediately I would feel a combination of over-sugared nausea and the desire for more.
And the shame.
I was ashamed because I got them to begin with. I was ashamed because I ate them so quickly. I was ashamed because they were "bad food" and society says that when we eat bad food we should punish ourselves. I was ashamed because I was fat, and I was eating food that fat people shouldn't be eating.
So when we saw a display of Zingers, mini donuts and other treats by that company in the store yesterday priced at 10 for $10 I told my husband that if he wanted to take some for his desk at work he should grab a few. As an afterthought I told him to grab me one package of Raspberry Zingers too, please. I haven't actually had them for about three years or so, I would say, maybe longer now.
Today I decided to have them as a mid-afternoon snack. I was worried in the back of my mind that they would trigger a craving to have more and more and more of them (part of why I only got one package), but I really wanted to taste that Raspberry Goodness again, so I decided that I was safe from going too nuts as I would have to go back to the store to get more and getting a craving THAT strong is rare for me.
I opened the package and inhaled that remembered fragrance, but it wasn't quite the same to me this time. The smell had a slight chemical tinge to it that I didn't remember from the past. Then I took a bite. Now, Dear Readers, I wish that I could say that I took one bite and stopped, throwing the rest away. I don't want to say that because I think that is the reaction I should have had, but rather because it would make a really cool dramatic ending, and I AM a writer (amongst other things) after all! But that's not how it happened. I actually ate all three, but rather than gobbling them down and not tasting them, I ate them relatively slowly. Each bite that I took was followed by a small hint of disappointment and the unspoken hope that the next bite would bring back the enjoyment that I remembered so fondly.
And then they were gone. There was the crumpled plastic, the small white rectangle of cardboard, the stray piece of pink-ended coconut. The evidence was in, and it took me a long moment to realize what the evidence was telling me. Finally comprehension dawned:
I don't like Raspberry Zingers any more.
I found myself torn between exultation and sadness. Raspberry Zingers had been a comfort food to me at a time when I needed comfort. I had so little that I liked in my life then, and those little round-cornered rectangles of sweetness had given me something to enjoy, even for a moment. But now that enjoyment was gone. I have been eating real fruits and treats made with real ingredients for long enough that my taste buds were thrown into shock by having all of those chemicals assault them at once. (I'm not sure they've forgiven me yet, but we'll see when I have dinner if they will let go of their indignation or not.)
I know that some are asking, "Why write an entire blog post about this, Lys?"
Quite simply, this episode has brought home several truths to me, and personal truths are really what blog posts are supposed to be about, right?
It is a personal truth for me that my tastes HAVE changed in a way that I believe is for the better. My body expects, no...it DEMANDS, that I give it quality, whole foods prepared in ways that are healthy and taste great.
It is a personal truth for me that you CAN change your tastes over time if you start small and make your changes one at a time.
It is a personal truth for me that I am no longer the person I was then. I have grown, I have changed, I have discovered ways to *gasp* love myself.
It is a personal truth for me that I'm not totally there yet. I still have very far to go on this path but while I have a distance to travel, I can look back at the path behind me and see that I have come so very far already and celebrate that distance.
It is a personal truth to me that this journey is worthwhile because I am worth it.
That's what it comes down to in the end. We're worth it. We're worth more than self-hatred. We're worth more than shame. We're worth more than thousands of negative adjectives. We're all worth more than that.
I'm worth more than those things.
So are you.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
It had to be done
My friend Matt posted a blog today about how people react in emergencies. He discussed how some people think first in an emergency, trying to decide how to act, and how other people act first and do what needs to be done, then think about it later (and usually have a lovely breakdown when all of the "what ifs" hit them at once). A phrase that has been in my mind since I read his post is "it had to be done".
This afternoon I was putting new elastic in the waistband of a pair of pants. I could probably have done it in five minutes if I broke out the sewing machine, but I find hand-sewing to be very relaxing, so I settled onto the couch and turned on the television for background as I worked. I happened to land on a showing of "Iron Man". (Yeah, yeah, there's a point, I'm getting there! *grin*) My attention was caught by the scene in which Tony Stark tries to stop Pepper Potts from walking out of his life by explaining just WHY he has to put himself in danger to help other people. He discusses how he's reaped the rewards of violence and arms development without really thinking about how those items are used, and now that he has been through his experiences and had first-hand exposure to the havoc that his creations wreak, he knows that it is his responsibility to make up for some of the chaos that wouldn't have occurred if he hadn't come up with his ideas, if his company had been more responsible about who they were sold to and where they went. He looks at Pepper with anguish and the hope that she'll understand and says, "I just have to."
The Universe isn't really known for its subtlety. It has a tendency to smack people in the back of the head with Clue by Fours every now and again, and I suspect that this thematic recurrence is just another one of those CxF type instances. But I find myself examining it and wondering just how it is supposed to apply in my own life. I mean, I'm not a billionaire playboy philanthropist, so I can't really build an amazing suit of powered armor and leap into the fray. I do tend to be one of those who act in a situation rather than sit and think about what I should do, but I don't think that it would be helpful for me to run around trying to find emergencies as here are many well-trained and qualified people out there doing that already (this is where you should pause a moment to give a heartfelt thanks to the many police, firefighters, EMTs, doctors, nurses, military members and so on who keep our butts relatively safe every day).
So what is it that The Universe is trying to get me to do? As I ponder this question I come to realize that it isn't always the big things that need doing. Pulling someone from a burning building is an amazing feat of courage and ability, but sometimes the little things can change people's lives nearly as much as the big ones. When someone is on their last reserves it can be the small gesture of kindness that pulls them back from the precipice.
I'm doing my best to grow as a person, to find ways to make the world a little better, a little kinder, a little nicer than I found it. Some of the ways are bigger than others, but all of them are things that I just have to do. I can't look at certain situations without jumping in and doing what I can to make them better. What those situations specifically are don't really matter to anyone besides myself and the others (if any) involved, what matters is that I'm not sitting back and just thinking about what I should do, I'm going ahead and doing first, thinking later.
I suspect that if you look around yourself, you'll find things that you can do, things that just have to be done. Little things, big things, little things that are big things to the recipients, there are all sorts of opportunities out there if we just pause and look around and then look inside ourselves. Once we find them we can move forward into acting, not just throw theories around about how to make things better.
Take a moment and pull your head out of your own life, take a look at the world around you. Seize that moment, do that thing and that stuff for those people. When you're all done, stop and think about it, why you did it, what worked and what you could have done better, even possibly break down for a moment because it is a little overwhelming. And when you've done all of that, take another moment, a deep breath, then smile and say to yourself, "It had to be done."
This afternoon I was putting new elastic in the waistband of a pair of pants. I could probably have done it in five minutes if I broke out the sewing machine, but I find hand-sewing to be very relaxing, so I settled onto the couch and turned on the television for background as I worked. I happened to land on a showing of "Iron Man". (Yeah, yeah, there's a point, I'm getting there! *grin*) My attention was caught by the scene in which Tony Stark tries to stop Pepper Potts from walking out of his life by explaining just WHY he has to put himself in danger to help other people. He discusses how he's reaped the rewards of violence and arms development without really thinking about how those items are used, and now that he has been through his experiences and had first-hand exposure to the havoc that his creations wreak, he knows that it is his responsibility to make up for some of the chaos that wouldn't have occurred if he hadn't come up with his ideas, if his company had been more responsible about who they were sold to and where they went. He looks at Pepper with anguish and the hope that she'll understand and says, "I just have to."
The Universe isn't really known for its subtlety. It has a tendency to smack people in the back of the head with Clue by Fours every now and again, and I suspect that this thematic recurrence is just another one of those CxF type instances. But I find myself examining it and wondering just how it is supposed to apply in my own life. I mean, I'm not a billionaire playboy philanthropist, so I can't really build an amazing suit of powered armor and leap into the fray. I do tend to be one of those who act in a situation rather than sit and think about what I should do, but I don't think that it would be helpful for me to run around trying to find emergencies as here are many well-trained and qualified people out there doing that already (this is where you should pause a moment to give a heartfelt thanks to the many police, firefighters, EMTs, doctors, nurses, military members and so on who keep our butts relatively safe every day).
So what is it that The Universe is trying to get me to do? As I ponder this question I come to realize that it isn't always the big things that need doing. Pulling someone from a burning building is an amazing feat of courage and ability, but sometimes the little things can change people's lives nearly as much as the big ones. When someone is on their last reserves it can be the small gesture of kindness that pulls them back from the precipice.
I'm doing my best to grow as a person, to find ways to make the world a little better, a little kinder, a little nicer than I found it. Some of the ways are bigger than others, but all of them are things that I just have to do. I can't look at certain situations without jumping in and doing what I can to make them better. What those situations specifically are don't really matter to anyone besides myself and the others (if any) involved, what matters is that I'm not sitting back and just thinking about what I should do, I'm going ahead and doing first, thinking later.
I suspect that if you look around yourself, you'll find things that you can do, things that just have to be done. Little things, big things, little things that are big things to the recipients, there are all sorts of opportunities out there if we just pause and look around and then look inside ourselves. Once we find them we can move forward into acting, not just throw theories around about how to make things better.
Take a moment and pull your head out of your own life, take a look at the world around you. Seize that moment, do that thing and that stuff for those people. When you're all done, stop and think about it, why you did it, what worked and what you could have done better, even possibly break down for a moment because it is a little overwhelming. And when you've done all of that, take another moment, a deep breath, then smile and say to yourself, "It had to be done."
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Changing Focus
When I first created this blog, it was done with the thought of having somewhere to put my political and social commentary. You see, I have another online journal that acts more like...well...a journal, but I wanted somewhere that I could express thoughts in a more public forum. These would be thinky type thoughts rather than general updates on my life or other things that are probably of interest only to myself and maybe some friends. So I kept this blog for generally political and social expressions.
Then I realized a couple of things:
1. I don't tend to post a lot of political type posts, because I find myself getting so wound up about politics as it is in modern America that I can't really put down what I want to say in a coherent, non-asshole-ish way.
2. Most of my social commentary tends to focus on My Life As A Fat Person, and that is generally covered in my "Confessions of a Fat Superhero" blog.
3. There's more to life than political and social commentary.
So I decided to re-purpose this blog and make it a bit more general. But don't worry, it isn't going to become my journal, because I still have that online journal and can use that to bore my friends with the mundane details of life. This blog is going to still contain what political and social commentary I want to cover, but will expand its focus to include random ideas and thoughts as well.
I have no idea how that will go, but I figure that since I enjoy writing, it behooves me to get regular practice at it in a place where people can give feedback on what I say. Between "Fat Superhero" and this blog, that should be feedback enough for anyone!
It's kind of funny, though, because as I think about it I realize that we are constantly changing our focus in life, so it is rather appropriate that I change the focus of my blog too. I mean, when we're children our focus is rather small and contained within the area of our family, friends, and school. We get up, we go to school, we do homework, we play, and we go back to bed. Sure there are chores and family time and things in there too, but life has a reassuring monotony to it at that age. We know our routine, we know what is expected of us, and we don't have to worry about the bigger picture.
Then we get older, and our focus widens. We start working or go to college (or both!) and our vision grows to include the bigger world around us. Society infringes on our secure sphere of existence. It pushes into our lives in little ways like dealing with traffic during rush hour every day, and makes itself known in larger ways like catastrophes, elections (sometimes the same thing as the previous item), terrorism, the economy, and so on. A lot of those intrusions are negative, which can wear us down over time, make us tired, and make us want to pull back into ourselves and our safe little spheres. We know that it is an illusion when we're hiding amongst the fragile walls of our routine. It becomes all too clear that we can't go back to not being aware of the outside world. That doesn't stop us from trying to keep making our worlds smaller sometimes, though.
But let's face it, we need that larger world. We need to be aware of everything that is happening around us because if we aren't aware of it then we can't have any effect on it. It is our responsibility as world residents to have an effect on things, to try and make things better for ourselves and for future generations. When we stop trying to have that positive effect, when we settle for not doing anything or when we decide that the only way out is to make things so bad that no one will want a future any more, then we become part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
So I guess that changing my blog's focus is one way that I can widen my view and start looking for ways to become part of the solution. They won't be big ways, because despite my childhood dreams of riches and fame, I'm just me. I'm a Fat Superhero who lives an everyday life and is just trying to pay the bills and enjoy what time I have on this world. However, now I know that part of the enjoyment for me is to do something that will make the world that I eventually leave behind a better place for someone, or hopefully a lot of someones. It may mean doing a lot of small things rather than one or two big things, but I'm hoping that I can find those small things and get them done. If enough of us do the small things, they'll add up to some pretty powerful changes in the end.
That's my hope anyway.
Then I realized a couple of things:
1. I don't tend to post a lot of political type posts, because I find myself getting so wound up about politics as it is in modern America that I can't really put down what I want to say in a coherent, non-asshole-ish way.
2. Most of my social commentary tends to focus on My Life As A Fat Person, and that is generally covered in my "Confessions of a Fat Superhero" blog.
3. There's more to life than political and social commentary.
So I decided to re-purpose this blog and make it a bit more general. But don't worry, it isn't going to become my journal, because I still have that online journal and can use that to bore my friends with the mundane details of life. This blog is going to still contain what political and social commentary I want to cover, but will expand its focus to include random ideas and thoughts as well.
I have no idea how that will go, but I figure that since I enjoy writing, it behooves me to get regular practice at it in a place where people can give feedback on what I say. Between "Fat Superhero" and this blog, that should be feedback enough for anyone!
It's kind of funny, though, because as I think about it I realize that we are constantly changing our focus in life, so it is rather appropriate that I change the focus of my blog too. I mean, when we're children our focus is rather small and contained within the area of our family, friends, and school. We get up, we go to school, we do homework, we play, and we go back to bed. Sure there are chores and family time and things in there too, but life has a reassuring monotony to it at that age. We know our routine, we know what is expected of us, and we don't have to worry about the bigger picture.
Then we get older, and our focus widens. We start working or go to college (or both!) and our vision grows to include the bigger world around us. Society infringes on our secure sphere of existence. It pushes into our lives in little ways like dealing with traffic during rush hour every day, and makes itself known in larger ways like catastrophes, elections (sometimes the same thing as the previous item), terrorism, the economy, and so on. A lot of those intrusions are negative, which can wear us down over time, make us tired, and make us want to pull back into ourselves and our safe little spheres. We know that it is an illusion when we're hiding amongst the fragile walls of our routine. It becomes all too clear that we can't go back to not being aware of the outside world. That doesn't stop us from trying to keep making our worlds smaller sometimes, though.
But let's face it, we need that larger world. We need to be aware of everything that is happening around us because if we aren't aware of it then we can't have any effect on it. It is our responsibility as world residents to have an effect on things, to try and make things better for ourselves and for future generations. When we stop trying to have that positive effect, when we settle for not doing anything or when we decide that the only way out is to make things so bad that no one will want a future any more, then we become part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
So I guess that changing my blog's focus is one way that I can widen my view and start looking for ways to become part of the solution. They won't be big ways, because despite my childhood dreams of riches and fame, I'm just me. I'm a Fat Superhero who lives an everyday life and is just trying to pay the bills and enjoy what time I have on this world. However, now I know that part of the enjoyment for me is to do something that will make the world that I eventually leave behind a better place for someone, or hopefully a lot of someones. It may mean doing a lot of small things rather than one or two big things, but I'm hoping that I can find those small things and get them done. If enough of us do the small things, they'll add up to some pretty powerful changes in the end.
That's my hope anyway.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I can do this...
Life is full of moments, and most of those moments pass by and eventually blur into that "nothing special" that is every day. But now and then we are given the gift of A Moment, and those moments are the ones that we remember and that can influence our lives beyond what we ever expected. I look back at my Moments, and a large number of them are negative, which is sad in more ways than I can say. I can see a landscape of time littered with choices that I made that caused me to end up giving up on goals and dreams, and those choices were totally mine, which not only makes me sad but it makes me wince and want to look away. But really, isn't part of growing as a person making yourself look at those moments and learn from them? And so I've been working on that with myself over the past couple of years, and recently I had another Moment, but this one was a good one, and one that would have turned out completely different ten years ago.
I've always struggled with what I wanted to be when I grow up. I could tell you a host of things that I DON'T want to be or be doing, but pinning down that elusive feeling of "Yes! This is IT!" has never come easily to me. I thought that I had it a few times, but it turned out that it was still easier for me to make the choices that led to losing those dreams. I don't blame the dreams themselves, they were good dreams, and if I'd been stronger I believe now that I would have been very successful at any one of them. But I wasn't emotionally ready for them, and so I chose...poorly, and ended up saying goodbye to things that were important to me.
I know, you're probably saying, "But Lys, what does this have to do with being Fat? Because isn't this blog about being Fat? I'm confused!' Just bear with me, and the connection will happen, I promise.
Unless you've been fat, you don't realize the toll that it takes on you every moment of every day. You are constantly being told that you are less worthy than other people simply because of how you look. Your time is less valuable, your skills are worth less, and your abilities are discounted simply because of how you look. Even if you start out believing in yourself and saying that others are wrong, this kind of repeated bludgeoning wears at you, pounding against the walls until they start to weaken and crumble, then That Little Voice creeps in through the cracks. You know the one, That Little Voice that whispers in the back of your mind, "Maybe they're right. Maybe you shouldn't expect so much of yourself because Fat People just aren't successful. Look around and tell me how many fat role models there actually are. None, because Fat People are less worthy, less able, and JUST....CAN'T...SUCCEED!"
Too many of us end up listening to That Little Voice and give up on ourselves. I was one of them. I stopped singing because there aren't Fat Singers. I didn't finish my teaching degree because I didn't want to be at the front of the class while my students mocked me for my weight. I let my Fear of Fat determine my life's path in so many ways. But now...now I've finally reached the point where that isn't happening any more. I had A Moment. It was a wonderful Moment. I keep that moment in a velvet-lined box in my mind, and I take it out now and then to cherish it and to remind myself about how much I've changed.
When I got laid off, I had choices. I could apply for jobs, take the first thing that came along, and just keep puttering through life with the assumption that I am going to end up being one of the Faceless Masses who live through history. After all, there are more everyday people than there are famous ones, right? The vast majority of humanity ends up as the Faceless Masses, but they're still mostly happy and live their lives without that being a problem.
My second choice was to do something that I've wanted to do for a long time and always talked myself out of based on a lack of funds, or that it just wasn't the right time, or who was I kidding because Fat People don't do things like that.
I decided to try the second choice, but judiciously and with planning. I decided to start my own business making jams and jellies. I always knew I wanted my own business, but was never sure what it would be, and then I found out that I LOVE making jams and jellies, and watching people's faces when they bite into whatever the fruity goodness was resting upon. I love that moment when their tastebuds start firing messages to their brains, and their eyes get that glazed, "OhmygodthistastessoGOOD!" look.
I took my idea to the local Small Business Development office and discussed my proposed plan of action with them, and my advisor there agreed with how I wanted to proceed. She made a point of telling me that she felt strongly that I not only had the skills but the personality to do well at this. And that was without even tasting anything! (Later I took samples and the office tried them and unanimously enjoyed every bite!)
I walked out of that office and I had my Moment. I pushed the door open, stepped out into the parking lot, walked toward my truck, and in my mind That Little Voice became a Big Voice, and it shouted to the world, "I CAN DO THIS!!!"
If you have never had to deal with being your own worst critic, I'm not sure that you can understand just what having that kind of moment, and that Big Voice shouting in your head means. I lost all doubt, I brushed away any remnants of Fat People Can't Succeed, and for that shining moment I held the world in my hands. It was wonderful, brilliant, and full of joy! And it was mine.
Fat doesn't matter. Other people's prejudices don't matter. That Little Voice doesn't matter. What matters is that we all should have this kind of Moment in our lives. It shouldn't be reserved for those who are considered more socially acceptable for whatever reason, it is a gift that each and every person should be allowed to experience. So if you're struggling, and hearing That Little Voice over and over, please look for a way to silence it. And if you're discouraged because you've been looking and you've been trying, just keep going. Keep looking, take those chances, tell That Little Voice just where it can go because Fat People CAN succeed! I know that we can! And when I'm there, and my company is thriving at just the level where I want it, I would love to look over and see you, Dear Reader, thriving right next to me. I want you to have that Moment, and many others like it. Because you deserve the right to earn them, no matter what the fashion magazines, or the obesidemic people say. YOU deserve the right to earn them, YOU matter. YOU can do this.
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!
I've always struggled with what I wanted to be when I grow up. I could tell you a host of things that I DON'T want to be or be doing, but pinning down that elusive feeling of "Yes! This is IT!" has never come easily to me. I thought that I had it a few times, but it turned out that it was still easier for me to make the choices that led to losing those dreams. I don't blame the dreams themselves, they were good dreams, and if I'd been stronger I believe now that I would have been very successful at any one of them. But I wasn't emotionally ready for them, and so I chose...poorly, and ended up saying goodbye to things that were important to me.
I know, you're probably saying, "But Lys, what does this have to do with being Fat? Because isn't this blog about being Fat? I'm confused!' Just bear with me, and the connection will happen, I promise.
Unless you've been fat, you don't realize the toll that it takes on you every moment of every day. You are constantly being told that you are less worthy than other people simply because of how you look. Your time is less valuable, your skills are worth less, and your abilities are discounted simply because of how you look. Even if you start out believing in yourself and saying that others are wrong, this kind of repeated bludgeoning wears at you, pounding against the walls until they start to weaken and crumble, then That Little Voice creeps in through the cracks. You know the one, That Little Voice that whispers in the back of your mind, "Maybe they're right. Maybe you shouldn't expect so much of yourself because Fat People just aren't successful. Look around and tell me how many fat role models there actually are. None, because Fat People are less worthy, less able, and JUST....CAN'T...SUCCEED!"
Too many of us end up listening to That Little Voice and give up on ourselves. I was one of them. I stopped singing because there aren't Fat Singers. I didn't finish my teaching degree because I didn't want to be at the front of the class while my students mocked me for my weight. I let my Fear of Fat determine my life's path in so many ways. But now...now I've finally reached the point where that isn't happening any more. I had A Moment. It was a wonderful Moment. I keep that moment in a velvet-lined box in my mind, and I take it out now and then to cherish it and to remind myself about how much I've changed.
When I got laid off, I had choices. I could apply for jobs, take the first thing that came along, and just keep puttering through life with the assumption that I am going to end up being one of the Faceless Masses who live through history. After all, there are more everyday people than there are famous ones, right? The vast majority of humanity ends up as the Faceless Masses, but they're still mostly happy and live their lives without that being a problem.
My second choice was to do something that I've wanted to do for a long time and always talked myself out of based on a lack of funds, or that it just wasn't the right time, or who was I kidding because Fat People don't do things like that.
I decided to try the second choice, but judiciously and with planning. I decided to start my own business making jams and jellies. I always knew I wanted my own business, but was never sure what it would be, and then I found out that I LOVE making jams and jellies, and watching people's faces when they bite into whatever the fruity goodness was resting upon. I love that moment when their tastebuds start firing messages to their brains, and their eyes get that glazed, "OhmygodthistastessoGOOD!" look.
I took my idea to the local Small Business Development office and discussed my proposed plan of action with them, and my advisor there agreed with how I wanted to proceed. She made a point of telling me that she felt strongly that I not only had the skills but the personality to do well at this. And that was without even tasting anything! (Later I took samples and the office tried them and unanimously enjoyed every bite!)
I walked out of that office and I had my Moment. I pushed the door open, stepped out into the parking lot, walked toward my truck, and in my mind That Little Voice became a Big Voice, and it shouted to the world, "I CAN DO THIS!!!"
If you have never had to deal with being your own worst critic, I'm not sure that you can understand just what having that kind of moment, and that Big Voice shouting in your head means. I lost all doubt, I brushed away any remnants of Fat People Can't Succeed, and for that shining moment I held the world in my hands. It was wonderful, brilliant, and full of joy! And it was mine.
Fat doesn't matter. Other people's prejudices don't matter. That Little Voice doesn't matter. What matters is that we all should have this kind of Moment in our lives. It shouldn't be reserved for those who are considered more socially acceptable for whatever reason, it is a gift that each and every person should be allowed to experience. So if you're struggling, and hearing That Little Voice over and over, please look for a way to silence it. And if you're discouraged because you've been looking and you've been trying, just keep going. Keep looking, take those chances, tell That Little Voice just where it can go because Fat People CAN succeed! I know that we can! And when I'm there, and my company is thriving at just the level where I want it, I would love to look over and see you, Dear Reader, thriving right next to me. I want you to have that Moment, and many others like it. Because you deserve the right to earn them, no matter what the fashion magazines, or the obesidemic people say. YOU deserve the right to earn them, YOU matter. YOU can do this.
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
"Just don't let it get to you." - Fact or Fiction?
I have a friend that I respect and admire very much. He is talented, smart, innovative and self-confident. There are many ways that I wish I were more like him. That said, he has a definite blind spot, one that is actually a positive in moderation, but he takes to extreme. My friend, whom we will call X, firmly believes in Mind Over Matter. If you are tired or hurting, push through it. If you are angry or sad, suck it up and move on. If you feel as though someone else is putting you down, just don't let it get to you. And yes, while I agree that we cannot control the actions of others, we can only control our own reactions, we part ways on the subsequent thoughts.
You see, I don't agree with just not letting it get to me, ignoring it and continuing on my own way no matter what. When it comes to social iniquity, that sort of "ignore it and it will take care of itself" attitude is not in my personality because it doesn't work. If we ignore it, that doesn't mean that it will go away, it just means that the people who feel that being obnoxious, rude, or cruel will continue to do so without repercussion.
I believe in doing what we can to make the world a better place for everyone, not just ourselves. I believe in letting people know that certain comments or actions are unacceptable. I believe that EVERY person has the inherent right to be treated with courtesy until they prove that they have forfeited that right. We share a social contract with one another, and the growing tendency toward verbal abuse, rudeness, and outright hostility to whichever group happens to be the current target needs to be stopped. The only way to stop it successfully is to bring enough social pressure to bear that those who continue such practices are given the clear message that their behaviour is NOT acceptable.
The other day, Mr. Stephen King posted an admirable article discussing how many of those fortunate to hold positions in the financial top 1% feel that they should pay more taxes. (WARNING: Which is NOT the point of this blog, so folks who comment on that part of my entry will probably not have their comment approved.) Unfortunately, Mr. King felt the need to make some unacceptable references to Governor Christie's weight. Another friend (mutual to X and myself) posted a link to the article. I replied that while I applauded Mr. King's main sentiments, I was dismayed that he'd felt the need to body-shame to do it.
X didn't see my concern, and said that if someone is upset or shamed by their body, it is their own choice and their own perception. Again, I agree with him to a point, but not past that point. I don't believe that we should allow others to make us feel ashamed of ourselves, that we have the right and the responsibility to ourselves to be proud of who and what we are, no matter what our shape or size. Our bodies are amazing things, and should be celebrated in all forms.
Where I again part ways with X is simply that, unlike him, I am very aware that not everyone is strong enough to be able to cast off the burden of public opinion. I have been one of them, and still struggle against the deep currents of negativity directed at fat people every day. When someone is bombarded with messages about how they are weak, lazy, gluttonous, worth less than others and should be ashamed of themselves, it is hard to maintain the strength to resist those thoughts. After a while they creep in, they worm their way into your mind and eventually through everything that you do or think about yourself. You start to believe it, and start to hate yourself for your weakness.
So I am here to say to those of you who think that it is easy to just let it slide when you see something that is inappropriate and hurtful, "Just don't let it get to you" may work for you, but if you are only concerned with yourself, then you're just as bad as the ones who are being cruel to begin with. We can't expect everyone to be the same as we are. We can't expect everyone else to have the same strengths. It is our responsibility to use our strengths to cover for the weaknesses of others, just as it is their responsibility to use their strengths to ease our weaknesses. If we can do that, then we all grow stronger together as a consequence.
Make a joke about it if you like, comment about how all of those fatties just need to not let it get to them, or whatever allows you to feel that you're off the hook when it comes to letting others know that body or size shaming is unacceptable. Keep thinking in your mind that people should just shake everything off and be stronger. I'm happy that you are sure enough about yourself and your body that it isn't a problem to you. I do wish, though, that for just a little while you would feel compassion instead of smugness, empathy instead of scorn, and understand that maybe...just maybe...those people who you envision as being weak are actually as strong as you (or even stronger) because despite being told that they are lesser beings almost 400,000 times per year, they continue to try the best that they can every day.
It's easy to be strong when you don't have to be.
You see, I don't agree with just not letting it get to me, ignoring it and continuing on my own way no matter what. When it comes to social iniquity, that sort of "ignore it and it will take care of itself" attitude is not in my personality because it doesn't work. If we ignore it, that doesn't mean that it will go away, it just means that the people who feel that being obnoxious, rude, or cruel will continue to do so without repercussion.
I believe in doing what we can to make the world a better place for everyone, not just ourselves. I believe in letting people know that certain comments or actions are unacceptable. I believe that EVERY person has the inherent right to be treated with courtesy until they prove that they have forfeited that right. We share a social contract with one another, and the growing tendency toward verbal abuse, rudeness, and outright hostility to whichever group happens to be the current target needs to be stopped. The only way to stop it successfully is to bring enough social pressure to bear that those who continue such practices are given the clear message that their behaviour is NOT acceptable.
The other day, Mr. Stephen King posted an admirable article discussing how many of those fortunate to hold positions in the financial top 1% feel that they should pay more taxes. (WARNING: Which is NOT the point of this blog, so folks who comment on that part of my entry will probably not have their comment approved.) Unfortunately, Mr. King felt the need to make some unacceptable references to Governor Christie's weight. Another friend (mutual to X and myself) posted a link to the article. I replied that while I applauded Mr. King's main sentiments, I was dismayed that he'd felt the need to body-shame to do it.
X didn't see my concern, and said that if someone is upset or shamed by their body, it is their own choice and their own perception. Again, I agree with him to a point, but not past that point. I don't believe that we should allow others to make us feel ashamed of ourselves, that we have the right and the responsibility to ourselves to be proud of who and what we are, no matter what our shape or size. Our bodies are amazing things, and should be celebrated in all forms.
Where I again part ways with X is simply that, unlike him, I am very aware that not everyone is strong enough to be able to cast off the burden of public opinion. I have been one of them, and still struggle against the deep currents of negativity directed at fat people every day. When someone is bombarded with messages about how they are weak, lazy, gluttonous, worth less than others and should be ashamed of themselves, it is hard to maintain the strength to resist those thoughts. After a while they creep in, they worm their way into your mind and eventually through everything that you do or think about yourself. You start to believe it, and start to hate yourself for your weakness.
So I am here to say to those of you who think that it is easy to just let it slide when you see something that is inappropriate and hurtful, "Just don't let it get to you" may work for you, but if you are only concerned with yourself, then you're just as bad as the ones who are being cruel to begin with. We can't expect everyone to be the same as we are. We can't expect everyone else to have the same strengths. It is our responsibility to use our strengths to cover for the weaknesses of others, just as it is their responsibility to use their strengths to ease our weaknesses. If we can do that, then we all grow stronger together as a consequence.
Make a joke about it if you like, comment about how all of those fatties just need to not let it get to them, or whatever allows you to feel that you're off the hook when it comes to letting others know that body or size shaming is unacceptable. Keep thinking in your mind that people should just shake everything off and be stronger. I'm happy that you are sure enough about yourself and your body that it isn't a problem to you. I do wish, though, that for just a little while you would feel compassion instead of smugness, empathy instead of scorn, and understand that maybe...just maybe...those people who you envision as being weak are actually as strong as you (or even stronger) because despite being told that they are lesser beings almost 400,000 times per year, they continue to try the best that they can every day.
It's easy to be strong when you don't have to be.
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