Compassion Fatigue

 I've hit the wall, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I'm done with people who are anti-mask or anti-vaccine, or both.  

This past weekend was Oktoberfest here in Downtown, and we were one of the few stores requiring masks.  We had piles and piles of boxes of individually wrapped masks with really cool patterns on them for anyone who didn't have their own. We gave them away for free. People had to wear them for the 10 minutes or so that they were browsing in the store. That's not really much to ask.

And yet...

We got yelled at, told how ridiculous asking people to wear masks was, and huffily told that people would just go elsewhere to spend their money.

Okay.  Buh bye.  I'm not really upset that you didn't come into my store.  You see, I prefer to share my enthusiasms with people who actually CARE about others, and who aren't narcissistic, ignorant, obnoxious Typhoid Mary Wannabes. I wouldn't care about you people at all if it weren't for the fact that you're potentially infecting other people due to your idiocy.

Then there's the fact that when you DO get it, you'll forget everything you ever said about how science and the doctors are wrong, and go running to the hospital to be cured.  You'll take space from people who did everything right, but now can't get a hospital bed when they come in due to a heart attack or car accident or some other need.  You'll kill them because of your selfishness.

I have no more sympathy for you.  They're calling it 'compassion fatigue', and I think that name fits well. I'm normally a compassionate person, but I'm so tired now. I'm tired of a culture that puts the self before the welfare of the community. I'm tired of people refusing to do small things for the common good out of the belief that it somehow tramples on some fictitious right to disregard the welfare of everyone around them.

If you refused to get the vaccine and / or refused to wear a mask, I will do nothing for you. I will give my utmost to assist those who did everything they were supposed to do but are dealing with the results of your selfishness.  You wanted to go it alone, well do that. You can lie in the bed of your own making, gasping for air and hallucinating from fever, and be proud of the fact that you didn't give in to that whole Fake COVID Thing.

Congratulations. You're independent of everyone and everything. Enjoy it.

Just don't look to me for help. My compassion is gone, and my soul is too fatigued to do anything more. 

All thanks to you.

The Insidious Dark Cloud

 Depression is a sneaky SOB. One minute you are fine, and the next thing you know you are surrounded by a dark, impenetrable cloud. It was following you the whole time, just waiting for you to let your guard down so that it could swoop in and envelop you without warning.

Today was going fine. We were busy at the store. I was knocking out tasks and getting things done. Then suddenly one more thing landed on my plate before I was ready for the additional load. That was all it took. The cloud descended, and I tripped, falling into the deep well I hadn't seen in front of me.

It's really hard when that happens. I find myself torn between breaking out in hysterical tears or throwing things just to hear them smash in order to get at least a little catharsis. Of course, I don't usually do either, since breaking things doesn't really help and then you have to pay for replacements, and bursting into tears at the workplace only serves to make others uncomfortable, which makes you feel guilty, and just makes things spiral even more out of control.

So, I gritted my teeth, did my best not to bite anyone's head off, and powered through to the end of the night. Because that's what you do, right?

The Husbeast indulged me, and we went through the DQ drive-thru so I could get the soft serve cone I've been craving for three weeks, but even that was an exercise in frustration. 

In the end, I got my chocolate-dipped cone, Pancake got his Pup Cup, and The Husbeast got his Blizzard. (Though he just tried to inhale a chocolate chip. THAT didn't go well, but no ambulance was required.)

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully a good night's sleep will push the cloud back away for a while and I'll be able to get some more of the always-increasing list of tasks completed. 

Maybe I'll even be able to hold the cloud off for a while. That would be a nice change of pace.

Unseen Costs

 We all know there are many costs related to the pandemic. There are obvious costs, most importantly the lives lost, and there are not so obvious costs. These are the ones that the average person doesn't see directly, though they may be effected peripherally.  I just spent the last hour dealing with one of those costs.

It is said all of the time, "The pandemic has completely jammed up the supply lines of the world.". We grumble because our package takes a little longer to get to us, or prices are going up on things, but believe me when I say that the average person has no idea at all of what chaos is happening.

My current example is shopping bags. Not a glamorous item, really, nor one that most people give any thought toward, but an item that is absolutely necessary for ANY retail operation. I placed an order for shopping bags with our supplier over a month ago, and it has been a horrible experience NOT of their making. 

Firstly, there is a limit on how many you can buy at once right now. I was allowed to order two boxes of 250 bags each for each color and size that we use.  Our store currently uses five different bags, each a different size and color, as we have products that range from the size of a single die to boxes that are nearly two feet by one foot by one foot.  It's crazy, but that's the comic and game industry for you. But that meant that I could only order approximately 500 bags of each size / color.  We go through that many bags of our most used size in a month or so. The other sizes not so much, but our main bag pretty much flies out the door because it is a perfect size for comic books, trade paperbacks (aka graphic novels), Funko POP! figures, a large number of hobby supplies, and so on. 

But I needed them, so even if I could only get a limited amount, it was no biggie, I would just place another order as soon as they shipped. Right? Yeah...no.  I ordered them in mid-August, and it is now mid-September. When I spoke to the supplier today, there will probably be another two-week delay before they get shipped out.  I'm completely out of three of the five sizes we use, and I won't get ANYTHING for another two to four weeks minimum.

When I spoke to the supplier, they highly recommended that I put in another order right now as the supply lines are so backlogged. It's easy to feel like they're just saying that so they get more of my money, but since they don't charge me until the stock is shipped out, that's not their reasoning at all. It was a logical suggestion, and I followed it after asking a couple of questions. Those questions led to me finding out that the order limit on plain Kraft-style (brown paper) bags is FIVE boxes each instead of two.

AH HA! Temporary solution! Order the brown bags (which are cheaper anyway) and get our logo stamped on them, and order as many as I can of each size. Maybe, if I'm really lucky, they'll get here before the serious holiday shopping begins.

In a way I'm lucky. Shopping bags aren't going to go bad. They're not going to age off the shelves and have to be thrown out at a loss.  I can't even imagine what it must be like for places like restaurants and stores that stock perishable goods.

On top of that, I'm going to have to find a short-term solution that will hold us over until at least SOME of these bags get here. That will cost me even more money. And believe me, there's a LOT of money tied up in these bags that are floating about in the ether right now. Let's just say that there's enough money there to pay a couple of months' mortgage payments for a house here in Historic Downtown McKinney.  It hurts to have that much of an investment just sitting there in the void, but it's a necessity.

I guess the long-story-short (too late!) of it all is to please, PLEASE have patience with the people who are out there trying to supply whatever needs you have right now. Most of them are honestly doing their best, but there's no getting around the fact that shipping and base materials are both in very, very short supply at the moment, and the people trying to help you are probably getting yelled at, abused, and otherwise treated like crap because of things totally out of their control.

Just be kind, please? You have no idea how frustrated they are with the situation as well, yet they will smile and do their best to put on a good customer service face.

Meanwhile, they probably have thousands of dollars tied up in those items that aren't there yet.

Long time, no type

 Hello again, World!

It's been a while since I've been here. I guess because I've been in seriously negative headspace for the past five years or so.  I can't imagine why. **she says wryly**

But yet again I'm going to try and post here more often. Even if it is only a few lines sometimes, I want to start weaning myself off using Facebook for my random thoughts, and put them somewhere less ephemeral.

Today's thoughts are on selfishness. More specifically, the selfishness that has become endemic in American culture. Somehow we have lost the concepts of community and shared responsibility, and we have become a country that shouts to the heavens, "ME FIRST!" to the detriment of the idea that part of being a civilization is putting the needs of the community ahead of our own needs sometimes.

Now, I'm not saying that we should never examine a situation to determine if it is best to dive in or step back, but I AM saying that there's a contract involved in citizenship, and that contract implicitly includes the idea that in times of crisis we, as a whole, need to put our differences aside and work together to bring the optimal resolution out of the chaos.

Right now that means we need to wear a mask, get vaccinated, and do everything possible to reduce the impact that COVID and its variants are having on our world.

It really isn't that hard. People wear masks all day when working in the medical field. Lots of other people have been wearing them all day in other places, like...say...working retail in places like comic and game stores. Shado and I have been wearing them for 11 to 13 hours a day for around 18 months now without any ill effects at all.  I even have an oximeter and check readings occasionally out of curiousity, and have never had low oxygen levels.

The vaccines are not 'rushed', they are based on years of research and development. They're safe. They're not going to kill anyone. They're not going to implant monitoring chips into people. What they ARE going to do is help you not die if you get a breakthrough case. 

I don't know how or why something as basic as helping keep yourself and others safe became a political football, and I don't really care. What I care about is that it stop. It's time to become American citizens again, with all of the responsibilities that entails.  It's time to step up and do what is necessary for the good of the country and the world, just like we did in the 1940's. 

Either that or admit that we're just not the people we once were, and we're just not capable of ever being them again.

Which is it?

Wakanda Forever

 I don't usually have a strong reaction to the death of celebrities.  I mean, I have the same reaction I have when someone I don't know dies. I feel bad for their friends and family, I regret the potential that has been removed from the world, and if they die young I am sad for all of the things they didn't get done.  But overall, it's not a gut punch, not like when it's someone I actually know.

So today, when I woke up to the news that Chadwick Boseman had died, I was quite honestly surprised at how hard it hit me.  I hadn't really heard of him before he played T'Challa in Black Panther, though I know he'd done a couple of high-profile roles before that.  I just knew there was a new character entering the MCU, and that it was a character with a strong potential to be a game-changer for so many young persons of color.  It's important for people, especially kids, to see someone who looks like them portrayed in a strong, positive way.  

And boy did he do that!  Boseman's T'Challa was everything the character should be. He was dignified, but could laugh at himself. He was strong, but had vulnerabilities.  He was a hero, but made mistakes.  There was a gravitas that Mr. Boseman brought to the role that is undeniable. T'Challa was represented as a young man who had been raised to cherish and protect the people of his country, and of the world. He recognized the mistakes his father made, was angry about them because they were the wrong thing to do, and even at the end after fighting Killmonger twice for his life, he still offered mercy to the one trying to kill him.

My biggest regret for the movie, honestly, was that T'Challa's exchange with Killmonger at the end didn't go like this:

T'Challa: We may be able to heal you.

Killmonger: So you can lock me up? Nah, bury me in the ocean with my ancestors that jumped from the ships. Because they knew death was better than bondage.

T'Challa: No, let us heal you so that you can reunite with the family who should have taken care of you all along. We can work together to make the world better, to make life better for all those who need what we can offer.

Sadly, that's not how it went, and so we lost Killmonger as a character.  I know WHY they made the decision to end it as they did, and it was an amazingly strong ending. I just wish that redemption had been offered and received on both sides.

Even so, the impact of Black Panther in the MCU and in the real world are undeniable. A large part of that impact came from the man who played the character. I know there are other actors who could have done a wonderful job in the role, but I honestly will have a hard time ever seeing someone else as T'Challa. Chadwick Boseman made T'Challa his own. He leaves large footprints to follow, large shoes to fill. His legacy is one of power, positivity, pride. I wish we could have seen what else he could have done.

Wakanda Forever.

Serial Dreams

I thought I would share a snippet from a conversation with a friend via Facebook Messenger today. We were talking about the past, and where we are now, and I was talking about why my previous business, Fat Lady Foods, will probably never happen again, which isn't a bad thing, really:

"It might, but I'm tired. Part of it is everything going on right now, but part of it is that I've worked for almost 40 years of my 50+ year life, and I'm ready to just be done. I want to get the store to where I don't have to be here every day, and just take some time to do things I love for fun. That will include making jams and things, but will also be stitching, and fostering (mostly pets, but there's a possibility that we may open our home to foster kids at some point too), volunteering for causes I believe in, and just generally focusing on making the world a brighter place.

I've discovered that dreams are successive, not a be-all and end-all. You have one dream, you work on it, turn it into reality, and then you find another one and begin again, carrying the lessons you learned on previous ones with you. I think people should always strive to create and achieve new dreams."

So remember, we all get tired sometimes, but while we need to pause and rest occasionally, we also should keep looking for the next dream. One of my favorite quotes is from Louisa May Alcott. I haven't put it up here lately, but this seems like a good time to do so:

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”

Follow the aspirations that shine in the sunlight. They're always there. Let them inspire you on the days when it's so damned hard to get out of bed. Let their light be the pinpoint in the darkness on the days when it threatens to close in and smother you. They're there, waiting for you to smile and dream when you see their beauty.

Assorted Miscellannia

I haven't posted here in a long time.  I'm due to get back into the habit, so this is my first attempt to do so.  I have so many things to talk about, but it's all swirling about in my head, so this time out I'll just be throwing a bunch of stuff at the wall to see what sticks.  More coherent blog entries will follow in future days.

The Trump Impeachment Trial begins in the Senate today.  I don't honestly expect anything to come of it.  His sycophants and toadies will do what is necessary to keep this a farce instead of a true trial.  It is so ironic that so many men who were willing to impeach a President over a blow job are now claiming that REAL crimes aren't worthy of impeachment.  Our country is broken and I'm not sure we'll ever really be able to fix it.  It's always had nicks and cracks in it, but we were on our way to getting those patched.  The current atmosphere, though, shows just how deep those nicks and cracks run, with hatred and bigotry so much more common than I could ever had dreamed. It's a nightmare, and makes me want to cry on a regular basis.  I used to believe in the basic goodness of humanity, but every day erodes that belief a little more.

My Dad's health is getting worse.  I live in dread of the day that I get the phone call.  I know it happens to all of us, and that death is a part of life, but that doesn't make it any easier.  Oddly, I'm more comfortable with the idea of my own death than I am with the idea of the deaths of the people I love.  Is that weird?  I'm not afraid of death for myself, and I'm not really AFRAID of death for anyone else, I just...don't want to not have them here.  I guess I'm selfish, but I don't care in this case.  I want my loved ones to live forever.  But right now I just want Dad to be happy and healthy. 

The store is doing well.  It's exhausting, and stressful (hey, there's a theme in this blog entry!), but overall it's good.  We exceeded our sales goals for 2019, and 2020 started off rocky for the first week but has picked up immensely this week and is looking good so far.  Who knew that Magic: the Gathering Pre-Releases could make such a difference in the financials???  But it's more than that, because M:tG was less than half of our increase in income last week.  The rest came from people walking in and buying other things.  A lot of them came over from the Arcade that opened across the street. 

It's very cool to watch our end of the street become such a strongly synergistic whole.  We've become Date Night.  People come down and get dinner at the sushi restaurant or the sports bar, then go see a comedy show, then meander down for a cigar, followed by a trip to the arcade for drinks and games, and while they're in there they see us and come across to do some shopping and watch people play Warhammer or D&D, then back to the arcade to close down the night.  All of the businesses down here are open late, especially on weekends, and we all make a point of sending people to the other businesses around us.  It's awesome to see it happening, and we make a point of letting the rest of Downtown McKinney know that it DOES work if you do this sort of thing together.  They all still close early though.  Their loss.  We'll take those evening and night-time dollars if they don't want them!

George Takei is coming to Dallas Fan Expo this year.  We're actually going to be there because we'll have a booth.  It's really tempting to print out a copy of my previous blog post that has an open letter to him about his fatphobia and bigotry toward fat people and give it to him.  I doubt he'd read it, and I really doubt it would penetrate his consciousness, but it's still tempting.  It's really disappointing to have someone who has suffered discrimination, bigotry, and hatred suddenly develop a blind spot to his own faults in those areas.  Especially when everyone around you idolizes him.  I don't hate him, and I'm not mad at him, I'm just...sad.

Other than all of the minutiae that are swirling around in my head, though, life is decent.  We're busy, the store is starting to pick up, and I'm hoping that it won't be too many more years before we don't HAVE to be at the store every day and I can at least semi-retire.  **crosses fingers**

Have a great day, everyone, and I'll be back soon to post something less chaotic!