Monday, August 15, 2016

Subconscious Nightmares

I had a nightmare last night. I'm pretty sure that it was my subconscious trying to work out all of my fears about being self-employed.

I was driving somewhere in my car, which was a lovely, red convertible. I had the top down and was perfectly comfortable even though there was snow and ice around.  For some reason I had to turn around and head back the way I had come, but I wasn't sure I got on the right highway.  I got off at the next exit so that I could pull over and set up my GPS but I got caught in a bunch of traffic being re-routed around an accident that had just happened.  We ended up going down this steep hill that ended in a body of water.  I was trying to slow down so that I could turn off to the left, and hit a huge patch of ice.

The next thing I know, my car is balanced on the edge of a drop, just like you see in the movies.  The passenger side was over the edge, my side was still above solid ground but tilting, and I was trying to carefully get myself out before the car went over.  There was a woman there, loading her kids into her car, and I was screaming for help but she just looked at me with a cross between not even seeing me at all and faint contempt.  Then the car started to go.  I slid out, managed to grab something, and was hanging there, still calling to her for help while she ignored me.  She got into her truck and drove away just as I lost my grip and fell into the freezing water.

I managed to swim to shore and get back up and out as I watched three other cars / trucks go over the edge too.  They were all from small businesses too, like contractors and stuff.  I climbed up to a deck kind of overlooking the water, still not cold despite being soaked through and it obviously being winter, and could see rescue workers around where my car was, trying to see if anyone was trapped.  I called out and let them know I was safe, and they moved on to the next one.

At one point, Shado, dressed as one of the rescue workers with a hard hat and reflective vest, came up and I saw him.  I was shocked and like, "What are you doing here?" because I knew I hadn't called him yet.  My phone was in my pocket and I hadn't even seen if it was working yet.  He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away.

Next all of us whose cars had gone swimming were in an office nearby, trying to get help, but they were extremely unhelpful. None would do anything to help us get home again. I finally got one to give me a number for a taxi service so that I could go to the bus station. I started to leave, and that's when I woke up.

I can't even begin to go over the huge amounts of symbolism that are apparent to me in that dream. Everything from "my business will fail" to "Shado will leave me over it" to "no one will care or help".  All that I can really do is let my subconscious work out its worries on its own, and keep plugging away as best I know how, as scary as it may be at times.

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